Heavy Metal: Rednecks Gone Wild

What you're seeing here is a new bumper we are building for a mid-eighties one ton truck. We wanted something heavy and sturdy, but not a sea of diamond plate. It's about 2/3 finished; there is a lot of welding yet to be done and some bracing going in behind everything then it's off to the powder coater for a finish that appears remarkably like polished aluminum.




The tubing is 5" x 1/4"and the deck (diamond) plate is 1/4". All the boxing and bracing is 1/2" thick plate. I'm thinkin' it'll hold up.



Something similar will be going on the front. With a 12,000lb winch, of course.

Our next project will probably be an Escalade getting a similar treatment, though scaled down for its lighter suspension. Some 1/8" x 5" tubing and 1/8" deck plate - I don't think I can forgo the 1/2" plate box and braces though. Maybe an 8000lb winch and some mudders will help mitigate the "brutha" factor, right bro?

We've all been Here

BOOBS!

What Goes Around, Comes Around: Ethanol vs. Oil

Interesting how things turn out...

Once upon a time the US had low energy/fuel costs which allowed it to produce cheap, abundant food in such quantity that it was made available to the world's population. Then the ragheads and nutty South Americans, who were already filthy stinkin' rich, decided where the US could pay more for fuel. Whatever shall we do?

Everyone knows nothing happens in a vacuum; there is always a reaction to any action, and often a cascade of events. Here's the one we're lookin' at now:

Demand for replacement cheap energy source is huge, this drives the search for cheap energy sources. During this search folks get the bright idea that food crops can be converted into useful fuel. Last I looked Ethanol from corn was $85 a barrel while oil was $100+. This encourages energy companies to start using ethanol in their products, meaning they buy a lot of the stuff which drives the price of corn up while encouraging increased crop production of corn. The corn used to go to the world market as food, now it's going into the market as fuel. But folks still gotta eat, right?!

There's less food out there and demand is still high, the price goes up. The US won't just give the stuff away so much. Food crop production is up, but it's going heavily to corn destined for nonfood use. The EU isn't helping matters much with its global warming bullshit biofuels mandates. The other food crops will shrink in relation and it is from this portion that folks are lookin' to get fed. Who are they going to look to?

Seein' as a shitload of folks live near dessert who depend on US surplus food to live they are liable to turn to the folks pumping oil out of said dessert, who started this whole process by the way, for relief - barring that relief they will be lookin' a whole lot like the french revolution only hungrier, meaner, and more raggedy-assed.

The US will get the blame, but we've got the food. And soon, the energy.

I wouldn't rule out coal becoming king again, either. Global warming is on the skids and there are a lot of ideas out there to "clean" up coal. Combustion technology, materials, and controls have advanced in a quantum leap since coal was last implemented as a locomotion source. Wouldn't it be cool if the old steam locomotives were to become feasible again? A local railroad man just took delivery of a NEW steam locomotive from China. They still manufacture and use them. Coincidence?



What we really need is steam turbine locomotives.

Like this one from 1938:


GE built them and they were complete electric power plants on wheels. Piece of cake!

Environmental Police?

God's own warriors to a treehugger, I reckon.

Police doubt bear shooting story
Thursday, April 10, 2008
By SANDRA E. CONSTANTINE and GEORGE GRAHAM

GRANBY - Environmental police have concluded there is no evidence that a black bear shot by a town man on his property was charging the resident.

"Evidence does not indicate there was a public safety threat," Lisa Capone, a spokeswoman for the state Executive Office of Energy and Environmental Affairs, said yesterday.

The bear was euthanized by state environmental police Tuesday morning after David W. Menard, 23, of 10 Oak Drive shot it with a compound bow, according to officials. Menard told police he shot the animal on his property because it charged him, and he feared for the safety of his cats, Patrolman Kevin C. O'Grady said.

Granby police were called to the scene by Menard about 7:40 a.m. Tuesday and in turn notified environmental police.

Capone said the shooting was investigated by Environmental Police Officer Anthony Tranghese, whom she described as having 25 years experience in dealing with problem wildlife, including black bears.


Menard is to be charged with hunting without a license, hunting bear without a permit, discharging bow or firearm within 150 feet of a road and hunting out of season, she said. A spokeswoman for court said she could not release information on the matter.

Environmental Police discovered the bear on its back in a wooded area a short distance away from the residence and used a shotgun to put it down, O'Grady said.

Meanwhile, Police Chief Louis M. Barry said bear sightings are a daily occurrence in town and that residents should take care not to leave out bird feeders, dog or cat food, and unturned compost piles.

"Don't antagonize them. They usually wander off if you just leave them alone," Barry said.

He described the animals as naturally shy and unlikely to attack unless protecting a cub or food source.

I don't know which is full of more idiots the west coast or the east coast. I hope these cute, cuddly, harmless bears eat each and every "environmental police" jerkoff walkin'. Some things are rationally assumed to be a threat by their very existence in one's vicinity.

Something Stinks in Eldorado Texas

"In my opinion, this is the largest endeavor we've ever been involved in in the state of Texas," said Children's Protective Services spokesman Marleigh Meisner, who said she was also involved in the 1993 siege of the Branch Davidian compound in Waco.


I guess we should all be impressed the swat team managed to not roast the children alive this time.

Things are really quiet in Eldorado news-wise regarding the "other side" and no skepticism has been leveled about this supposed 16 year old who called in for help. The authorities can't seem to find her. I smell bullshit and a slimy female Texas CPS authoritarian action.

How in hell can the marriage of two men or two women be legally semi-"protected" (depends on where you are) and yet men and women cannot be married in threes or fours, etc. Is this not on of those "lifestyle choices" the relativists want everyone to be so open minded about? Maybe if it was three polygamous fags it would be OK? Five dikes on bikes approved to give foster care?

This kind of persecution is what "family court" is all about. I have no doubt that when pressed the charges are trumped up and the womyn bureaucrats are, at base, most appalled by the lack of television, non-adherence to fashion trends, and proper manners of the children they are kidnapping. The story is very careful how it notes that the mothers left voluntarily after they stole their children as bait.

The AP quotes a liar as a source:

"Once you go into the compound, you don't ever leave it," said Carolyn Jessop, one of the wives of the alleged leader of the Eldorado complex. Jessop left with her eight children before the sect moved to Texas."

Notice you can't leave, but she left. Hmmmm.


It is also interesting to note that a single generation ago a 14 year old marrying (with parental permission) was not that big a deal. No doubt Texas CPS believes they need to be fucking at that age (with a condom - safe sex of course), just not married.

Let me make my perspective on this entirely clear. I have young daughters and if I perceive any man old enough to know better looking upon them with genuine lust and a hard cussin' or plain ass-whippin' doesn't show him the error of his ways I will cause 10mm entrance holes to appear in all his most important places and some hogs' diet (or catfish - I'm largely undecided) will become more omnivorous for a time. And I would help you do the same. So, I get the "no perverts" angle. I just have trouble buying it here.

NGA's and police agencies will use the most repulsive among us (child abusers and molesters) to get us started reporting one another's actions to government agencies. There are ads on the radio, suspiciously timed, encouraging folks to report parents for child abuse "even if you only suspect". No mention of the consequences is given for any innocent parents maliciously reported on; just the promise of a social boner for some busy-body. I bet you can imagine the kinds of hell an aroused bureaucrat can wreak in a household and upon a child's psyche.

Disgusting.

UPDATE

A source wishing to remain anonymous has sent an email contending local authorities have been dying for an excuse to get onto the LDS property and poke around. Of the 401 abducted there are none pregnant. The "16 year old" is nowhere to be found.

From a local news source:

So why would there need to be dozens of police officers plus armored vehicles, as witnesses have reported? KSL reporter John Hollenhorst has covered numerous stories on polygamy over the years. He weighed in, in tonight's "talking points" segment on Eyewitness News at 6:30. "To surround the compound would create a lot of risk. I don't think they would have done that unless communications had broken down."

The BBC has a slightly different take on a key piece of information:

Ms Meisner said the investigation had begun after Child Protective Services were called by someone who alleged a 16-year-old girl had suffered physical abuse.

Recognize this?

For all those springfield sissies who go weak-kneed and wet their panties at the sight of an XD; $200 croatian POS. You wouldn't buy a lawn mower from these people and you'd carry a firearm made by them?

Speaks for Itself

Now That's a Barn Door!

Any opportunity to build something is an opportunity to over build it.


Conventional wood doors are subject to warp and rain induced deterioration. Metal over wood always seemed flimsy to me - like you could kick a hole in one.

The door above is 2x6 rectangle steel 1/8" thick. It is laying on a 1000 lb. 1/2" thick layout table bought for that purpose.


When in Rome....
Paint? No way. The doors go to the powder coater next week.

And Now for Something Completely Different

Gleaned From Yahoo!

Pouring rain on the way into work this morning and I got passed by a bunch of BMW riders - are they nuts?

I'd never ride my Harley in rain like that and I think most Harley riders wouldn't either. I never see Harley's riding in the rain because I know they're smarter than that - not just for safety but also subjecting your ride to the elements like that. But these BMW guys - they flew by my Acura like I was standing still. Are BMW motorcycle riders generally nuts? I'd think you have to be partially nuts to buy that German junk instead of quality american, but what are they doing riding in the rain like that?

Best Answer
Wow! They are nuts Halry Rider!

I rode in the rain once. Never again! That is waaaay too dangerous. I mean, I ruined two leather Harly © jackets on that trip alone. Luckily I was only driving 14 miles so I only had to change outfits once. I don't even want to tell you happened to my HD Boots. Never again!

Looks like a good day to ride.

Don't think so?

Pussy.

JACIII

Big Bridge to Dauphin Island

If you look hard you maybe can see Nate in the distance.

JACIII

Truth in advertising

Read the bottom line.

JACIII

The Elvis Wall in Tupelo

What can I say. There were tears.

JACIII

Quiet please.

JACIII

First stop

First stop after about 100 miles. Starting to settle in to a good road, warm sunshine, and a cigar or two. Now where's that hip flask.....

This is how you end a day.

Mexican Grill in Tupelo. Good eatin'. We were luck to make it back to the motel without falling asleep on the bikes after all that!

Ubiquitous mirror shot..

The Tennessee is up higher than we've ever seen it. This the water Georgia is after.

Winter?

Not according to these critters.

Will you get your shit together?

Gettin' ready to hit the road! Nate makes some last minute adjustments.

Again with gmail

March in Kentucky. You never know from day to day what you'll get.

Big Fish

That's a big assed striper my pal Jamie caught at Lake Cumberland this morning.

This pic and message was blogged from the greatest smartphone ever developed: the Palm Treo!

Treo blogging!
Nate and I will be heading for Gulf Shore's and other interesting locales soon. Now if only sprint had not blocked MMS.

JACIII

Sms test for blogger.

JACIII

Oh where, Oh where.....

has that little blog gone,
Oh where, Oh where can he be,
With singles in hand and a peep in his teeth,
Oh there, oh there will Nate be.

Y'all seen Nate? There he is! Shoulda known. Always look in the peep seats.



props to SB

Real Security and Major Geek Factor

This is a KGB locking device used in embassies, security officer's document safes, submarines and such. I read about it in Tower of Secrets years ago and hoped I would get to see one someday. The craftsmanship is exquisite and serves notice to just how serious those folks were about State Secrets.

Watch the video. He takes it partially apart. Damn!

Here is some further disassembly Made my palms sweat waiting for a spring or something to come flying out of there never to be seen again.

Bear in mind these are professional "safe technicians" and the videos were made for an organization which is a governing body for lock picking competition; sort of the locksmith version of a hacker. The guy doing the disassembly starts freakin' at the prospect of getting the parts out of order even though they are taping the process. There are supposedly only three of these in private hands.

They didn't actually get into the guts of the keyed section. I would be lookin' at x-rays before you could say, "lead jacket".

I have a suspicion the key and lock were manufactured at the same time by one person fitting the pins to the key. According to the book referenced above they were fitted to the .001" with fit failure resulting in locking the key into the mechanism.

Call the Department of the Treasury!

This has to be a federal crime:

29 N.J. Students Punished After Using Pennies To Pay For Lunch

Section 31 U.S.C. 5103, entitled "Legal tender" states: "United States coins and currency (including Federal reserve notes and circulating notes of Federal reserve banks and national banks) are legal tender for all debts, public charges, taxes, and dues."

Forgive Me, Spacebunny.

I am normally pretty much neutral on the prevalence of dumb blondes, however.....



To her credit she says, "I thought europe was a country." They seem to think so, too.

Seperation of Church and State My Ass

One of the things that gets me about the average mush brains of the "progressive" persuasion is the kind of blindness they have about this sort of thing.

This is the sort of thing those who invented the "separation of church and state" bullshit wanted. Please tell me how the state investigating a church function has got the two separated. Right the first time! It's not so much "separation" as it is "control".

Read: progressive
Think: authoritarian

Two Things You SHould Worry About

When I say "worry about" you should think "prepare for":

As Vox reported, the US Northern Command as inked a deal with the Canadians to provide support to the US in event of domestic "emergency" to "save lives". Bullshit.

Next, you need to be keeping an eye on what is going on with the decrease in diversity of our food crops and the power to inhibit dispersed independent production of our food supply. When agribusinesses holds the power to have farmers prosecuted for growing food crops and can legally harass them for not using their products we got problems both with centralized control of production and the old saw that it is unwise to "mess with mother nature" applies in spades.

Recommended reading for those who wish to prepare:

Read Unintended Consequences by John Ross

EP says" Never Bring a Knife to a Gunfight."

I guess he got riled over that pic with his belly button showin'. Y'all just try and fergit that image of the pregnant man in overalls. I figure you've been clawin' out your minds eye over it anyhow.

It's On !

Vox and EP are gettin' set up to butt heads over the Reformation. EP already has his initial position up here.

I have warned told EP to not let Vox get him pissed off as that wil lock his brain up, and I told Vox that he would be required to refrain from soccer gamesmanship, i.e. scratching, hair pulling, and shrieking "bitch!".

Perhaps some fur will fly....

EP, send me a pic without your belly shining.

Redneck Truck For Sale on Ebay !

Larry The Cable Guy has put up his truck for sale for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

Men's Holiday

A little something popped into my mailbox the other day from Roli. Thought I'd share.

Mark your calendar.

Spread the word.....


Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your
wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and
any other baubles that women find romantic.

Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out.

There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the
men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too
embarrassed to admit it.

This is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Blow job & Shut the F#$* Up Day.'

Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so
your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him.

No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town the name of the holiday
explains it all...
just a steak, a BJ & shut your mouth for the rest of the day! That's it!

This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Blow job & Shut the F#$* Up
Day will usher in a new age of love, as men everywhere will try that much
harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual
love machine.

The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little
push to start the ball rolling.
So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.

MK Ultra: Myth or Reality

The stars are aligned and the stage is being set for the next president and our democratic congress to start in on gun owners. Looks like this is part of the US conforming to UN type globalist standards. You and me, we're to go to work, pay taxes, and bend over for those in charge without being scarily armed. We need to be controlled for our own good. We are on the path folks.

First a chicago mall shooting.
Then a St Louis City Council meeting ends in a blood bath.
Now we hear a fella was on his way to shoot up the Superbowl over some city council issues.
Update: Another shooting in Gun-Free illinois! On a Gun-Free super ultra safe campus


The thing that everyone is going to miss is that the city council shooting is what we have the second amendment for. Somebody with a little political power lookin' to give a fella a rough time should be lookin' over his shoulder.

The chicago thing must be a complete fabrication; everyone knows chicago has a gun ban.

I bet the St Louis City Council meeting has a sign on the front door prohibiting firearms from the building, so that is obviously a fabrication, too.

Obama and Hillary are gonna need political cover to get on the anti-gun bandwagon to secure their nominations.

Update:
Seems Mr. Thornton did have a beef with the St. Louis city council.

He has spoke on it as best he could in the courts, and they denied all rights to the access of protection and he took it upon himself to go to war and end the issue,” Gerald Thornton said.

Video Link here.

The reporter, toward the end of the piece, says she wants to know if there weren't any metal detectors at the door or anyone "checking for guns". What an idiotic bimbo! Dude shot a cop first thing in the parking lot you moron! What the hell does she think metal detectors do? Set off the freeze ray or maybe the killer intent on murder and mayhem will simply wait after the alarm sounds for the police to cart him off to jail?! I can hear it now, "I came to kill everyone inside, but that metal detector stopped me in my tracks. It's illegal to bring a gun into city hall, you know."

If Only the Japanese had Invaded

We could have let them keep Berkeley.

"It's a symbol, but there are consequences to symbols," he said. "A lot of people think we're anti-Marine, but there's a difference between the warriors and the war. This is an attempt to clarify that."

These sonsofbitches hate anything to do with the military all the way down to each individual mother's son be he Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, or Coast Guard. As usual, they got a little outa hand listening to each other in an echo chamber and in their enthusiasm to make themselves feel superior to the unwashed portions of this country the odor of some of excrement they spew leaked out into the clean air. They are covering this shit as fast as they can like a cat in a litter box.

"I still oppose the Marines recruiting in Berkeley because it's one way of protesting this wasteful war," she said. "Our military policy is a shambles. But we're not in opposition to the Marines; we oppose the policy that directs the Marines."

They just forgot to add, "But we support the troops!" to the end of their little protest. These are scum not fit to shine the boots of a man willing, right or wrong, to offer his life for his neighbors.

I say we offer this shithole to Japan in fair exchange for the base we have there. Not that they would be dumb enough to take it...

Anyone think California independence is a good idea? Maybe we could get them to declare war on Texas....

Balls Like a Prize Angus Bull.

Here's the link to the page.

Get your horsey fix here:

Meet Ranger, Lilly, Abigail, and Gracie.



This breed is called Gypsy Vanner. They are bred by Gypsies (duh) to pull their wagons and are a compact, though powerful, draft horse. The people taking the video are the owners, they would say "parents", and the video is taken on their farm. These are their first horses and I still don't understand what made them pick Vanners, but they are learning rapidly, caring concientiously for their Gypsies, and continually upgrading their facilities (I expect to be working in a heated/air conditioned barn soon!), and absolutely spoiling the shit out of these critters.



They imported two pregnant mares and had foals within a couple months. Both foals arrived as healthy fillies, but within a few months one of the mares succumbed to a previously undiscovered digestive injury. These folks were absolutely heartbroken, but they got busy bottle feeding the orphan and caring for her. She is doing great and gets lots of extra attention! (spoiled rotten)



The latest edition to the herd is a gelding named Ranger. He is a show winner and, to my eye, the best looking of the bunch.

Japanese Delicacy

Some friends of mine were relating their latest trip to Japan. They are a quite nice couple and the husband and I share interests in bourbon, cigars, horses, and firearms. Given our common interest in fine tobacco he was anxious to tell me about a wonderful cigar bar in Tokyo.

He related that the bar was set up much like an old English gentleman's club where fine bourbon and cigars are served and where quite a production is made when a cigar is brought to the table. The cigar is presented to the gentleman to inspect. The waiter then cuts it in the fashion specified and proceeds to light it over a burner. Once it is lit the smoke is wafted about the table for everyone's approval. Upon meeting approval, the cigar is presented to the gentleman along with his chosen drink. Then for the piece de resistance a covered silver dish is presented and, with a flourish, uncovered to reveal a serving of cashews and..........



a small stack of pringles potato chips.

Jamie is Crying

I guess Y'all heard Australian actor Heath Ledger of the movie BrokeinBackside Mountain fame offed himself. Not many have much sympathy for a spoiled rich actor with the world at his doorstep becoming depressed. I say it often and will say it again; Some folks are just too stupid to survive.

The comments I have been seeing are sick and damned hillarious, even on serious sites.

A few of my faves:

6:35 PM killerbee Says:
I guess he finally got over Jake.

6:34 PM Mr Streisand Says:
Thank God another Hollyweird liberal taken from the gene pool.

6:31 PM Heath's Mom Says:
Hi!

I'm Heath's Mom. Please bury my son Heath bleep up on Brokeback Mountain. It'll make a hell of a tourist attraction and will help keep the money coming in.
Thanks!

6:23 PM Brad Renfro Says:
Hey Heath,
I've got some good stuff if you want to party. This dope will send you out of this world!
C-ya!
Brad

6:20 PM Mel Gibson Says:
I enjoyed working with him in The Patriot, and he was like a real son to me. In fact, I gave him his first beer.

6:16 PM J. Gyllenhaal Says:
Dear Heath,
I know you feel guilty for porking me in the balloon knot. But it was in the script so I'm okay with it.
Regards,
Jake G.

It is interesting to note most comments are, "OMG!" Folks actually took the time to submit that as a comment.

Another Take on the Tennessee TransAm Trail

These fellas just distributed this video of their adventures in Tennessee along the TransAm Trail. I recognize a lot of the terrain from a couple of trips of my own down it. "Oh Shit!" hill makes an appearance on the terrain map, though they called it "Aw Shit!" hill. And it looks like no one bit the dust in Slick Creek....

Will winter never end????




Notice no one is smoking - it's illegal in Tennessee now, even outdoors. Commies.

Hey! Old Man! It Ain't 1960 Anymore

So much of the knowledge most of us have picked up at the range, hangin' out out the gun store, bullshittin' online has been passed down from generation to generation. The grizzled old hunter is full of tales of prowess with that most American of tools: The Rifle.

Now, these oldsters have lived through the fanfare, frenzy, and hype of the introduction of many a hot-shit new cartridge. Some have even tried a thing or two. Some made legends whose name not only lives on the cartridges they pioneered but is applied to cartridges modified in similar fashion 50 years later. Most watched from the sidelines while other brave souls reached for the brass ring of better, faster, more accurate, more effective, more destructive perfection.

Listen to the Old Men who are still around to tell tales of deeds done and daring do, but do not fail to leaven that download at the first available opportunity to insure it still pertains to the rifles and cartridges bearing the improvements in applied technology available to us today. In many ways there is nothing new under the sun, in other ways what was once so is so no more.

We have all heard of the 220 swift burning the throats out guns it was chambered in, of the impossibility of spinning a long small caliber bullet hard enough to stabilize without having it disintegrate as it exits the barrel, how "Old Slab Sides" (1911 model pistol )is inherently inaccurate and those new .40's have bullets so short they tumble, those plastic guns just don't hold up.

Now that 220 will still self destruct with heavy use of hot loads, but the rest of that stuff is pure steamin' bull shit. Feel free to call call 'em on it.

Case in point; Those fast calibers spinning themselves apart:

These bullets are all running over 4000 feet per second, some over 4400. Thats Mach 4 people.



Hey! Old Man! It ain't 1960 anymore!

If Where the Red Fern Grows makes you sad....

You should see this.

Ingenious Execution: The Kel-tec SU-16

First of all, I have to give credit where credit is due: Nathan had nothing whatsoever to do with discovering or researching this rifle.

Now that's out of the way, let's take a look at what we have here:

The Kel-tec SU-16 is a gas operated semi-automatic rifle chambered for the 5.56mm NATO. It blends an AR-15 type locking bolt, the ability to use AR-15/M16 milspec magazines, an under-folder stock, integral bipod, and receiver mounted picitinny rail, with a clean operating AK47 type gas operating system. This rifle comes in 6 variants "A" - 18 inch barrel, "B" - Shorty "A" model, "C" - Threaded barrel and the only model that will fire with the stock folded, "CA" - Legal in , "D" - Short barreled rifle and NFA regulated, and PLR-16 - Pistol version. The variant we are concerned with here is the "C" model. The attraction being the threaded barrel and the ability to fire folded.


Y'all can look up and ponder the many and various features of this particular rifle on your own time. Suffice it to say it has the potential to be and Interesting Gun. That potential is only realized if the rifle in question is accurate, for as none other than Col. Townsend Whelen himself said, "Only accurate guns are interesting".

We shall see...




I removed the rifle from the box, unfolded the stock, deployed the bipod and began the task of familiarizing myself with its operation. "Break Free" oil was applied anywhere I could get a wear indication or scuff to show itself after working the various mechanisms by hand. The receiver of this gun is some sort of plastic and normally these types of weapon benefit more from graphite grease for lubricant than oil, but it remained to be seen how dirty this rifle operated so I stuck with the light oil for now.

Normally, I consider range testing a waste of time with open sights, especially in a high velocity caliber, so I grabbed the scope off the .454 (pay attention, you willl see this again) and pressed it into service with a set of see-thru rings onto the SU-16's receiver mounted picitinny rail. I bore sighted it the old fashioned way, loaded up, and headed for the range.

Procedure:
I like to observe both the accuracy of a rifle and it precision while sighting it in. I fire into a 25 yd target, adjusting to the desired point of aim in small increments. Yeah I see the flyer. It was colder'n a witches titty in... well, in....January.

On to a 50yd target. I like to shoot pairs and tripets within about five seconds of each other as I make adjustments, cooling the barrel between the strings. Sure, it can be done with single shots, but you can't observe the effect of a quick cold to hot barrel temperature transition and it's effect on point of impact. The SU-16 is impressive so far.

I had been noticing the reticle on the long eye relief pistol scope seemed to be rotating clockwise ever so slightly, so I dug out the allen wrench and snugged everything up. I figured given the shitty weather I would stick with the slight rotation and finish up at least able to measure a 100 yd group even though point of impact was screwed.

I loaded the ten round clip to capacity and began work on the 100 yd target. Somewhere around the third round I could see the reticle was rotating further so I went on and finished the magazine to at least complete a feed function test. You can see the string of holes running up the left side of the target as the reticle gave out completely. This is the third scope which has fell victim to the .454 Casull. Shit.



I hated to leave without some 100 yd results so I said "WTF" and pulled the scope and ran a boresnake down the barrel. I loaded three rounds, settled in behind the gun, squinted my old eyes, settled my breathing, slowed my heart, my focus narrowed to that tiny little needle Kel-tec placed on top of the front sight post of this rig. As the rest of the world fell away I began squeezing tighter and tighter.... The result:


The gun mags and most others figure that's a .75 inch (3/4") group reporting the range of error from the center of the group. I call that a 1.5 inch group since I'm not lookin' to sell any guns for advertisers and it's always best to report what you measure, not what you figure, whenever possible. Keeps things clearer, and it never hurts in the gun store or at the range to under-report your results. Makes it easier to beat a fella out of a cold brew.

Conclusion:
Kel-tec has done with the SU-16 what folks expected from Ruger with it's mini-14 POS. I'll hear no more small diameter barrel excuses for the Ruger. They are makin' shit and sellin' it for shinola. Hell this little honey even has the boys over at AR15.COM diggin' their panties out of their ass crack.
Kel-tec's attention to detail, proven technology design, and innovation have yielded
an Interesting Gun.

Throughout this test no malfunction whatsoever appeared. This is important because though only accurate guns are interesting, only reliable guns are worth keeping. I think Colonel Whelen would approve.

****Look Here Y'all****
I did not post this as an invitation to mini-14 bashing, even though I did start it. A lot of folks bought them with high hopes when they were the only game in town and are suffering for it, no sense in beatin' them up.

The SU-16 is being criticized at AR15.com because it has an activation rod (a la AK47). Never mind that the AK is the standard for reliability the world over.....

Kalifornia

California is preparing to exert control over private home thermostats.

In the old Soviet Union, The Central Committee had decreed that the furnace in apartment buildings could not be started until a certain date each year. Weather was irrelevant, the government said so.


The soviets are no longer around for this populace to fear but their ideology is pervasive, so modern US Committees and Apparatchiks are free to follow in their footsteps without threat of ideological association with an obviously oppressive power.

Those who are a familiar with the Soviet system will recognize the following:

"If you can control rotating outages by letting everyone in the state share the pain," he said, "there's a lot less pain to go around."

Paraphrased Soviet verison : If there is misery to be had, spread it among the poor. For they are accustomed to misery and better able to tolerate it.

One must bear in mind everyone in the soviet union was poor but those in charge.

More From The Road

I started this little trip to explore a particular road. The idea of following a single (historically) major road to where it leads has always seemed like a good way to discover some of those wonderfully quirky things, good food, striking vista, and interesting people that are part and parcel of a worthwhile motorcycle trip.

The kind of road I'm talkin' about was once the interstate of yesteryear and though often through traffic has decreased since its heyday the relatively small communities the old road served are still there. Some of these towns have withered down to a lonely post office. Others have found life's blood in the form of a touristy recreation area (lake or natural feature). There are still some based around the same industry that caused folks to congregate there in the first place. Out west there is usually a grain silo or stockyard in the middle of many a square mile of row crops or pasture, around these parts it's mines and saw mills.

I chose Highway 127 to celebrate this little God given winter respite not because it's particularly significant around these parts, as many others (231, 431) were more traveled, but because a bypassed loop of it runs right in front of my house. The most interesting things are often right in front of you.

Enough of that.

I woke to the sound of construction crews renovating the rooms around mine, showered and DID NOT shave. Brewed some motel room-gourmet coffee (not so bad), checked on the promise the Weather Channel had made to me for three warm days in January (starting to welsh already) and loaded the bike for the day's travels.




First things first - check out and go see Fall Creek Falls. The state park is crisscrossed by winding wooded roads and has a campground filtered in amongst the pine trees. I noticed a "mountainbike" path (paved) that was motorcycle prohibited, heh heh.... I rolled upon a herd of fat deer and lost a really good shot fumbling around looking for the camera. You can still see 'em though.
Fall Creek Falls is at the end of a short walk from a parking area and I imagine someone about shit himself when he stumbled upon it. Looks like the floor of the world just drops out.

I headed out of the park on TN 30 which is a really nice piece of motorcycle nirvana encompassing elevation changes with tight smooth curves banked just so. It was a little damp in spots so I had to pick my fun spots with care. I selected "third", determined it to suffice, and lost myself to the harmony of two wheels singing on pavement to the glory of an uncelebrated civil engineer. As often happens at these times, the road will show you something you didn't expect to see....


The Sequatchie Valley hove into view over the top of a rising right hand curve out of nowhere. Immediately my attention shifted to the view as I found myself rolling down the side of Walden Ridge while eyeballing an almost artificial looking scene a couple miles across to the Cumberland Plateau escarpment which looked like a 600 foot wall from where I was. The switchbacks descending the ridge began in earnest immediately. For those who don't know - Switchbacks are proof that God loves a motorcycle rider.

At the valley floor and back on US 127 McDonald's provided the morning's breakfast where an elderly couple informed me there had been no snow this year in the mountains. I told 'em we had a 1/2" snowfall so far and they seemed to reconsider their earlier statement. It seems a "snowfall" in the mountains of east Tennessee is usually significant. Since we were speaking the same language now they allowed as they might have had a couple of "dustings" so far.

The Valley provided cell phone service so I was able to check in with those who's responsibility it would be to locate my carcass in the event of some motorcycle mishap in the mountains and call up the weather forecast to refine the direction and duration of my impromptu adventure.

I had half a mind to head on into Alabama and thence to Birmingham to see the Barber Motorsports Museum by following US127 down the Saquatchie Valley through its confluence with US27. The weather God's forbade this by rushing gale force winds, horizontal rain, and tornadoes toward my geographical location. I could feel my window of opportunity closing down.

Fair enough. The glass is half full, no? I had missed a goodly portion of 127 on the way down in the dark so I took this as an opportunity to run north see and it in the daylight.

Turns out Alvin York lived just off of my street down in Pall Mall, Tn. Small world ain't it? Me and Sgt. York connected by an old wagon trail through time. What a world.

I passed a "theme" junkyard, an authorized MoonPie dealer, and some pretty spectacular scenery. I'm sure I missed alot whizzing by. For instance, There were three Ron Paul signs along the route and a plethora of "yard tractors" and I think I will use them as background to help document a future trip. Take a look:

On the Road Less Traveled Again

What more can a fella ask for in terms of blessings when a January day arrives with the mercury above the 60's? And what kinda fella would neglect such a gift from God by hiding in the house? Not this kind. Not by a long shot.

I called Little Bro to see if he could get free. Nope, Nate couldn't go; something about a broken nail..... Maybe next time. Y'all pray for the boy. It's like he's in jail or somethin'. I'll ride for us both and I'll try to take some pictures this time.

There was some business to tend to this mornin' so I didn't get on the road 'til after noon, but the sun was out, the road was clear and damned near deserted and I wanted to see where that road goes. It goes South, of course, and it goes twisty, and smooth.

Stopped at a Sonic in Hustonville on the way down and was accosted by BMW lusting 9to5'ers (been there, been that) and giggly tip-mining-rollerskating curb girls. You can tell how cool the kiddies think your bike is by the number of cherries you get in your Cherry-Limeade. I only drew three this time, but the brothers "C" have drawn a high of six at one particular Sonic in Woodbury Tennessee. Of course, we rode sportbikes exclusively then and the kiddies always rate those higher.

Further on down the road, I crossed Wolf Creek Damn where major repair is underway. They seem to be working around the clock. Cumberland Lake is a pitiful sight.


I have ended up in a place called Fall Creek Falls State Park in the hills of central Tennessee. The claim to fame is its 256 foot waterfall! Can't wait to see it in the daylight! The roads in and around the park are magnificent. The roads on the way down here have been scenic and just crooked enough to make it fun without too much effort. Mostly rolling hills with ever steeper slopes as I came south. The grass is still green, though the trees are bare. There are leaves on the ground like it's only now settling into Fall. Gotta love global warming. Give me some more increased solar activity, Baby! I have had one hell of a day. I love my GS.

The lodge is nice. and empty. cheap in the off-season. wifi access, obviously.

Tomorrow I go to check out the Motorcycle Ranch in Pikeville, Tn. I might even sleep in a TeePee.....

From the road less traveled,
Later 'Tater.

I Must Be Missing Something...

GM is looking to build self driving cars. Setting aside the fact that no one will by their junk by the time this technology matures, it is interesting to note that the folks "behind the wheel" driving this technology forward are beyond a doubt some of the technically brightest minds around. Even though they can be complete dumbasses.

Thrun said a key benefit of the technology eventually will be safer roads and reducing the roughly 42,000 U.S. traffic deaths that occur annually—95 percent of which he said are caused by human mistakes.

"We might be able to cut those numbers down by a factor of 50 percent," Thrun said. "Just imagine all the funerals that won't take place."

I guess those folks saved by the computer cars will just live forever!

The Cult of GS

Bear in mind this is a full grown, 100+ horse, all day comfy, canyon carving, 100 mph cruising motorcylce.
The Evil Twin (pun intended) comes standard:


Note to the stubby legged (Nate!) - watch the end sequence and you will see Charlie doin' a triple one cheek stop. That's someone who's really determined to ride an Adventure.

Gary's Hot Pants

The discussion at hand is on the achievement of spacesuit like environmental control for the motorcyclist. The tried and true method is to use high resistance wire for a heating element throughout the garments worn by the rider, but Gary has an interesting take on the whole problem which would probably in the end be more comfortable, allow for defrogging the visor, and ramp up the geek factor about 1000 times.

Why not just harness the heat from the pipes? A heatbox fabricated from a cylinder of some sort placed over a section of the exhaust pipe and ducted through flexible hose into a small junction box which could be equipped with a small dc fan of some sort. The hose from the "junction box" could lead into a jacket fitted with a small connector on the bottom seam which would allow access to the interior of the garment. Some sort of small diameter tubing or piping could be used to flow the heat wherever needed.
Gary | Email | Homepage | 01.03.08 - 3:35 am |

Honda Goldwings and Kawasaki Concours have used a passive version of this for years placing the rider at the mercy of mother nature's capricious fancy and Sir Isaac Newton's laws to mix warm and ambient air in whatever temperature and ratio happen to occur.

A "boxer" type motor ("pancake" for you non-German speaking types) lends itself well to this type of setup as the "jugs" and exhaust headers are out in the airstream ready to be tapped. A system utilizing this air stream would be ideal in the following ways:

1) Airflow increases with speed as does heat production and rider heat requirement.
2) Positive pressure within garments would work to prohibit cold air infiltration.
3) Ducted air would eliminate fogged visor in all conditions.

Initially, the problems I see are as follows:

1) Materials have to be used that can withstand the temperature; that of the heated air passing through them and at the physical connection to the part upstream and therefore hotter.
2) Lightwieght and low bulk distribution throughout the garment attached. Perhaps not that big a deal as heat will naturally pass from the leading surfaces to the following.
3) Flexibilty of attachment must allow rider mobility in the "cockpit" to control motorcyle, mount and dismount,easily.

Electricity and Motorcycle Nerds

This is some pretty old stuff from a dead link I referenced years ago for information to extend my riding season. For those of us who actually ride, Nate, and derive a certain satisfaction from assembling several hundred dollars worth of gear from about $40 worth of stuff this is some cool shit indeed.

Don't be intimidated by this - a girl wrote it, so anybody should be able to do it.

Sue's recipe for Electric Motorcycle Clothing

Back in 1994, someone gave me a copy of an article that described how to make an electric vest. There was only one clue as to the article's origin and that was the author credit: Mark Rotman, GWRRA #33440. So I'm guessing it was from some GoldWing riders' newsletter. I used the article to create an electric vest (which 3 years later I'm still wearing) and now I'd like to offer my own electric clothing 'recipe' for others to use.
Rest assured, you don't need an engineering or electrical background to accomplish this project. (I'm writing this with a person like me in min& very basic stuff!) You need to know an approximate amount of current available on your motorcycle. In many owner's manuals, you can find the number of amps that your bike produces and factor in how much is left over after supplying juice for various functions. Be careful not to overload the system. I was stranded in downtown Chicago on a subzero night because I had used the vest and was experimenting with heated glove inserts and the bike wouldn't start when I left work. The combination proved to draw too much from the alternator. Not good.
I'm only going to give guidelines here. The specifics, like whether to make a vest or jacket or gloves, or how much heat you want, are left up to you.

Stuff that you need:
• wire: 30 gauge, multistranded, teflon coated copper, usually comes in a 100' spool, Order form any electronics supplier. I ordered from Newark Electronics who have locations everywhere. In Schaumburg IL, call (84 7) 310-8980. Their product was called "hook-up wire, "part 36F61OWA. Price in 9197 was $14.20
• wire or lampcord: any 16-18 gauge, insulated wire, like a lamp cord; this wire runs from the vest to the battery so the length is up to you to figure out
• fuse holder: I used an inline holder
• fuse: number of amps depends on how much juice your vest will draw; my vest was only 4-5 amps so I use a 5 amp fuse
• switch: this is optional; I put one on my vest so I could turn it on and off as I ride without having to unplug it from the battery
• connectors: you choose! I used crimp barrel connectors to successfully connect the very fine 30 gauge wire to the 16 gauge cord. Not easy! Experiment and let me know what worked for you.
• tongue lugs: or something to easily affix the wire to the battery post
• some kind of plug/socket or cigarette lighter combination: to securely connect (but to allow for quick disconnect should you walk away from your bike and forget to unplug!) the wires from the battery to the wires on the vest
• Stitch Wichery stuff: purchase this from any fabric store; it creates a bond between 2 pieces of fabric when ironed
• The item of clothing and some cloth: read on...
Step-by-step
1. What do you want to electrify? I used the quilted vest that snapped into my Hein Gericke jacket. You could also use any jacket that's light enough to wear under your leathers or riding suit. I just finished electrifying the thermal liner that velcros into my First Gear Expedition suit pants.

The principle here is that you're going to make something similar to an electric blanket. You'll be sandwiching the wires between your vest or whatever and another piece of material.
Another option is to thread the 30 gauge wire on a quilting needle (which has a large enough eye) and sew the wire right into the fabric of your vest. That would only work if the vest was quilted. I opted to do this with my pants and it worked just fine. Make sure the wires are not against your clothes or skin; they get hot and could bum. Don't ask how I know that.
2. How much heat, how many amps, how many watts???
Two physics equations help us here:
Voltage = Ohms (resistance) x current (amps)
Watts = voltage x current (amps)
We know the voltage .... most motorcycles have 12 volt batteries. The 30 gauge wire is 1 ohm per foot of wire. So. 30 feet of wire equals 3 ohms. So, based on the first equation, we now know that 30 feet of our wire draws 4 amps of current.
Based on the second equation, we also know that the watts produced by our electric vest will be approximately 48. From here you can figure out how much wire to use to meet your heat needs and not draw too much from your m/c.
On the pants I made, I used 20 feet of wire which means it draws 6 amps from the bike and produces 72 watts. And it's plenty hot, maybe even too hot.

Assembly
Our mission is to create a loop of electricity that runs from the motorcycle battery to the electric clothing. Keep that in mind as you read through the assembly steps.
I put a loop off the battery (a wire from the positive post with the inline fuse holder and a wire from the negative post and joined them into a plug that hangs from the battery all the time). This could be a cigarette lighter type thing; that's what I used on my first attempt.
When I get on the bike, hanging off the bottom right side of my vest is a socket that mates with the plug hanging off the battery. A very kind friend sent me some cool plugs and sockets on pigtails so I didn't have to shop for those. They should be readily available from any Radio Shack or other similar electronics store. I also put the switch on the wire coming off the vest.
The hardest part of the process is affixing the wires to the vest. Thirty feet of very fine wire is tough to work with. The object is to lay the wire so that there's equal heat distribution. Run it up and down the front of the vest, each side, and then up and down the back, and back around to meet the other end of the wire in front. See diagram. But how do you lay the wire down, put the stich witchery on top and then cover with the fabric? It's tricky. The original author recommended cutting the wire to the right length and then working one section at a time. Put the wire in place on your vest, front right side, use scotch tape to keep the wire in place. Put the stichwitchery on that section over the wires, put the other fabric in place and iron according to the instructions on the stitchwichery package. Repeat for the back and then for the front left side. This is the hardest part! Be patient and take your time. Doing this part correctly the first time will save a lot of time and energy.
When you've got the wires sandwiched between the vest and the fabric, I'd recommend stitching around the edges so the wires aren't tempted to wiggle out (like mine did).
Again, instead of the stitchwichery route, you might try sewing the wire into a quilted vest, like I did with the thermal liners in my pants.
Ok, the next task is to take those two little teeny-weeny wires that are coming off your vest and connect them as permanently as you possibly can to the lamp cord or whatever larger gauge wire you're going to use. This was my weak point and a repair I made over and over because I kept ripping the wires out. My most successful method (still unbroken after a whole year) was to use barrel crimp connectors. Peel back the insulation on the 2 wires (one 30 and one 16 gauge), hold them parallel to each other, carefully braid the strands of the 30 gauge with the strands of the 16 gauge, put the crimp connector over them and crimp as hard as you can. Then top off the connection with lots of electrical tape. Do the same with the other 2 wires and tape the 2 connections together and tuck them safely inside the vest. You might want to allow a loop as strain relief inside the vest (so when the wire gets accidently pulled hard, there'll be some slack to give before it breaks).
Here's where you can add a switch if you desire. Install it on the 16 gauge cord. Then connect the cord to the socket or whatever you choose to use (that will attach to the plug hanging off the battery.) If you ride a BMW that has an accessory socket on the bike, just buy the male plug to connect to the vest. Easy! And then you don't need the fuse.
That's about it. Please email me if you have questions. Mark Rotman, if you happen to land on this page, please contact me so I can give you my deepest thanks and ask you how to better cite the article you wrote.


last updated, 23 Oct 1997 (by Sue)

A couple notes:

1) No, I don't know who "Sue" is, but the old like was from shadowriders.org.

2) The wire mentioned in the article can be obtained from Newark - that's where I got mine.

3) Heed the lady's warning about alternator ratings if you are gonna combine more than one electrically heated appliance and don't have a nuclear reactor equipped bike (non-BMW) though a KLR will run heated grips and a 50 watt jacket/vest with a well maintained electrical system.

Fun's Over

Hope y'all had a joyous Christmas.

Now, back to work.

Props to DrWho:


APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
_________ ___________________________________ ________________________

____________________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with over sized tires? __Yes __No

C. A water bed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________ ________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want lto be shot would be:
__________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

__ __________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

____________________________

_____________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

_____________________________
_____________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Sig nature & Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi or State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six months for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating, as they appear below:

Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill y ou. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.Please do not do this. The only information I require from you, [besides the application above] is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,and more than an hour goes by, do n ot sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing or holding hands. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot bellied, balding, middle-aged,dimwitted has-been fart. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and fifty-five wooded acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Have a good time!!