Some friends of mine were relating their latest trip to Japan. They are a quite nice couple and the husband and I share interests in bourbon, cigars, horses, and firearms. Given our common interest in fine tobacco he was anxious to tell me about a wonderful cigar bar in Tokyo.
He related that the bar was set up much like an old English gentleman's club where fine bourbon and cigars are served and where quite a production is made when a cigar is brought to the table. The cigar is presented to the gentleman to inspect. The waiter then cuts it in the fashion specified and proceeds to light it over a burner. Once it is lit the smoke is wafted about the table for everyone's approval. Upon meeting approval, the cigar is presented to the gentleman along with his chosen drink. Then for the piece de resistance a covered silver dish is presented and, with a flourish, uncovered to reveal a serving of cashews and..........
a small stack of pringles potato chips.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Jamie is Crying
I guess Y'all heard Australian actor Heath Ledger of the movie BrokeinBackside Mountain fame offed himself. Not many have much sympathy for a spoiled rich actor with the world at his doorstep becoming depressed. I say it often and will say it again; Some folks are just too stupid to survive.
The comments I have been seeing are sick and damned hillarious, even on serious sites.
A few of my faves:
It is interesting to note most comments are, "OMG!" Folks actually took the time to submit that as a comment.
The comments I have been seeing are sick and damned hillarious, even on serious sites.
A few of my faves:
6:35 PM killerbee Says:
I guess he finally got over Jake.
6:34 PM Mr Streisand Says:
Thank God another Hollyweird liberal taken from the gene pool.
6:31 PM Heath's Mom Says:
Hi!
I'm Heath's Mom. Please bury my son Heath bleep up on Brokeback Mountain. It'll make a hell of a tourist attraction and will help keep the money coming in.
Thanks!
6:23 PM Brad Renfro Says:
Hey Heath,
I've got some good stuff if you want to party. This dope will send you out of this world!
C-ya!
Brad
6:20 PM Mel Gibson Says:
I enjoyed working with him in The Patriot, and he was like a real son to me. In fact, I gave him his first beer.
6:16 PM J. Gyllenhaal Says:
Dear Heath,
I know you feel guilty for porking me in the balloon knot. But it was in the script so I'm okay with it.
Regards,
Jake G.
It is interesting to note most comments are, "OMG!" Folks actually took the time to submit that as a comment.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Another Take on the Tennessee TransAm Trail
These fellas just distributed this video of their adventures in Tennessee along the TransAm Trail. I recognize a lot of the terrain from a couple of trips of my own down it. "Oh Shit!" hill makes an appearance on the terrain map, though they called it "Aw Shit!" hill. And it looks like no one bit the dust in Slick Creek....
Will winter never end????
Notice no one is smoking - it's illegal in Tennessee now, even outdoors. Commies.
Will winter never end????
Notice no one is smoking - it's illegal in Tennessee now, even outdoors. Commies.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Hey! Old Man! It Ain't 1960 Anymore
So much of the knowledge most of us have picked up at the range, hangin' out out the gun store, bullshittin' online has been passed down from generation to generation. The grizzled old hunter is full of tales of prowess with that most American of tools: The Rifle.
Now, these oldsters have lived through the fanfare, frenzy, and hype of the introduction of many a hot-shit new cartridge. Some have even tried a thing or two. Some made legends whose name not only lives on the cartridges they pioneered but is applied to cartridges modified in similar fashion 50 years later. Most watched from the sidelines while other brave souls reached for the brass ring of better, faster, more accurate, more effective, more destructive perfection.
Listen to the Old Men who are still around to tell tales of deeds done and daring do, but do not fail to leaven that download at the first available opportunity to insure it still pertains to the rifles and cartridges bearing the improvements in applied technology available to us today. In many ways there is nothing new under the sun, in other ways what was once so is so no more.
We have all heard of the 220 swift burning the throats out guns it was chambered in, of the impossibility of spinning a long small caliber bullet hard enough to stabilize without having it disintegrate as it exits the barrel, how "Old Slab Sides" (1911 model pistol )is inherently inaccurate and those new .40's have bullets so short they tumble, those plastic guns just don't hold up.
Now that 220 will still self destruct with heavy use of hot loads, but the rest of that stuff is pure steamin' bull shit. Feel free to call call 'em on it.
Case in point; Those fast calibers spinning themselves apart:
These bullets are all running over 4000 feet per second, some over 4400. Thats Mach 4 people.
Hey! Old Man! It ain't 1960 anymore!
Now, these oldsters have lived through the fanfare, frenzy, and hype of the introduction of many a hot-shit new cartridge. Some have even tried a thing or two. Some made legends whose name not only lives on the cartridges they pioneered but is applied to cartridges modified in similar fashion 50 years later. Most watched from the sidelines while other brave souls reached for the brass ring of better, faster, more accurate, more effective, more destructive perfection.
Listen to the Old Men who are still around to tell tales of deeds done and daring do, but do not fail to leaven that download at the first available opportunity to insure it still pertains to the rifles and cartridges bearing the improvements in applied technology available to us today. In many ways there is nothing new under the sun, in other ways what was once so is so no more.
We have all heard of the 220 swift burning the throats out guns it was chambered in, of the impossibility of spinning a long small caliber bullet hard enough to stabilize without having it disintegrate as it exits the barrel, how "Old Slab Sides" (1911 model pistol )is inherently inaccurate and those new .40's have bullets so short they tumble, those plastic guns just don't hold up.
Now that 220 will still self destruct with heavy use of hot loads, but the rest of that stuff is pure steamin' bull shit. Feel free to call call 'em on it.
Case in point; Those fast calibers spinning themselves apart:
These bullets are all running over 4000 feet per second, some over 4400. Thats Mach 4 people.
Hey! Old Man! It ain't 1960 anymore!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Ingenious Execution: The Kel-tec SU-16
First of all, I have to give credit where credit is due: Nathan had nothing whatsoever to do with discovering or researching this rifle.
Now that's out of the way, let's take a look at what we have here:
The Kel-tec SU-16 is a gas operated semi-automatic rifle chambered for the 5.56mm NATO. It blends an AR-15 type locking bolt, the ability to use AR-15/M16 milspec magazines, an under-folder stock, integral bipod, and receiver mounted picitinny rail, with a clean operating AK47 type gas operating system. This rifle comes in 6 variants "A" - 18 inch barrel, "B" - Shorty "A" model, "C" - Threaded barrel and the only model that will fire with the stock folded, "CA" - Legal in , "D" - Short barreled rifle and NFA regulated, and PLR-16 - Pistol version. The variant we are concerned with here is the "C" model. The attraction being the threaded barrel and the ability to fire folded.
Y'all can look up and ponder the many and various features of this particular rifle on your own time. Suffice it to say it has the potential to be and Interesting Gun. That potential is only realized if the rifle in question is accurate, for as none other than Col. Townsend Whelen himself said, "Only accurate guns are interesting".
We shall see...
I removed the rifle from the box, unfolded the stock, deployed the bipod and began the task of familiarizing myself with its operation. "Break Free" oil was applied anywhere I could get a wear indication or scuff to show itself after working the various mechanisms by hand. The receiver of this gun is some sort of plastic and normally these types of weapon benefit more from graphite grease for lubricant than oil, but it remained to be seen how dirty this rifle operated so I stuck with the light oil for now.
Normally, I consider range testing a waste of time with open sights, especially in a high velocity caliber, so I grabbed the scope off the .454 (pay attention, you willl see this again) and pressed it into service with a set of see-thru rings onto the SU-16's receiver mounted picitinny rail. I bore sighted it the old fashioned way, loaded up, and headed for the range.
Procedure:
I like to observe both the accuracy of a rifle and it precision while sighting it in. I fire into a 25 yd target, adjusting to the desired point of aim in small increments.
Yeah I see the flyer. It was colder'n a witches titty in... well, in....January.
On to a 50yd target. I like to shoot pairs and tripets within about five seconds of each other as I make adjustments, cooling the barrel between the strings. Sure, it can be done with single shots, but you can't observe the effect of a quick cold to hot barrel temperature transition and it's effect on point of impact. The SU-16 is impressive so far.
I had been noticing the reticle on the long eye relief pistol scope seemed to be rotating clockwise ever so slightly, so I dug out the allen wrench and snugged everything up. I figured given the shitty weather I would stick with the slight rotation and finish up at least able to measure a 100 yd group even though point of impact was screwed.
I loaded the ten round clip to capacity and began work on the 100 yd target. Somewhere around the third round I could see the reticle was rotating further so I went on and finished the magazine to at least complete a feed function test. You can see the string of holes running up the left side of the target as the reticle gave out completely. This is the third scope which has fell victim to the .454 Casull. Shit.
I hated to leave without some 100 yd results so I said "WTF" and pulled the scope and ran a boresnake down the barrel. I loaded three rounds, settled in behind the gun, squinted my old eyes, settled my breathing, slowed my heart, my focus narrowed to that tiny little needle Kel-tec placed on top of the front sight post of this rig. As the rest of the world fell away I began squeezing tighter and tighter.... The result:
The gun mags and most others figure that's a .75 inch (3/4") group reporting the range of error from the center of the group. I call that a 1.5 inch group since I'm not lookin' to sell any guns for advertisers and it's always best to report what you measure, not what you figure, whenever possible. Keeps things clearer, and it never hurts in the gun store or at the range to under-report your results. Makes it easier to beat a fella out of a cold brew.
Conclusion:
Kel-tec has done with the SU-16 what folks expected from Ruger with it's mini-14 POS. I'll hear no more small diameter barrel excuses for the Ruger. They are makin' shit and sellin' it for shinola. Hell this little honey even has the boys over at AR15.COM diggin' their panties out of their ass crack.
Kel-tec's attention to detail, proven technology design, and innovation have yielded
an Interesting Gun.
Throughout this test no malfunction whatsoever appeared. This is important because though only accurate guns are interesting, only reliable guns are worth keeping. I think Colonel Whelen would approve.
****Look Here Y'all****
I did not post this as an invitation to mini-14 bashing, even though I did start it. A lot of folks bought them with high hopes when they were the only game in town and are suffering for it, no sense in beatin' them up.
The SU-16 is being criticized at AR15.com because it has an activation rod (a la AK47). Never mind that the AK is the standard for reliability the world over.....
Now that's out of the way, let's take a look at what we have here:
The Kel-tec SU-16 is a gas operated semi-automatic rifle chambered for the 5.56mm NATO. It blends an AR-15 type locking bolt, the ability to use AR-15/M16 milspec magazines, an under-folder stock, integral bipod, and receiver mounted picitinny rail, with a clean operating AK47 type gas operating system. This rifle comes in 6 variants "A" - 18 inch barrel, "B" - Shorty "A" model, "C" - Threaded barrel and the only model that will fire with the stock folded, "CA" - Legal in , "D" - Short barreled rifle and NFA regulated, and PLR-16 - Pistol version. The variant we are concerned with here is the "C" model. The attraction being the threaded barrel and the ability to fire folded.
Y'all can look up and ponder the many and various features of this particular rifle on your own time. Suffice it to say it has the potential to be and Interesting Gun. That potential is only realized if the rifle in question is accurate, for as none other than Col. Townsend Whelen himself said, "Only accurate guns are interesting".
We shall see...
I removed the rifle from the box, unfolded the stock, deployed the bipod and began the task of familiarizing myself with its operation. "Break Free" oil was applied anywhere I could get a wear indication or scuff to show itself after working the various mechanisms by hand. The receiver of this gun is some sort of plastic and normally these types of weapon benefit more from graphite grease for lubricant than oil, but it remained to be seen how dirty this rifle operated so I stuck with the light oil for now.
Normally, I consider range testing a waste of time with open sights, especially in a high velocity caliber, so I grabbed the scope off the .454 (pay attention, you willl see this again) and pressed it into service with a set of see-thru rings onto the SU-16's receiver mounted picitinny rail. I bore sighted it the old fashioned way, loaded up, and headed for the range.
Procedure:
I like to observe both the accuracy of a rifle and it precision while sighting it in. I fire into a 25 yd target, adjusting to the desired point of aim in small increments.
Yeah I see the flyer. It was colder'n a witches titty in... well, in....January.On to a 50yd target. I like to shoot pairs and tripets within about five seconds of each other as I make adjustments, cooling the barrel between the strings. Sure, it can be done with single shots, but you can't observe the effect of a quick cold to hot barrel temperature transition and it's effect on point of impact. The SU-16 is impressive so far.
I had been noticing the reticle on the long eye relief pistol scope seemed to be rotating clockwise ever so slightly, so I dug out the allen wrench and snugged everything up. I figured given the shitty weather I would stick with the slight rotation and finish up at least able to measure a 100 yd group even though point of impact was screwed.
I loaded the ten round clip to capacity and began work on the 100 yd target. Somewhere around the third round I could see the reticle was rotating further so I went on and finished the magazine to at least complete a feed function test. You can see the string of holes running up the left side of the target as the reticle gave out completely. This is the third scope which has fell victim to the .454 Casull. Shit.
I hated to leave without some 100 yd results so I said "WTF" and pulled the scope and ran a boresnake down the barrel. I loaded three rounds, settled in behind the gun, squinted my old eyes, settled my breathing, slowed my heart, my focus narrowed to that tiny little needle Kel-tec placed on top of the front sight post of this rig. As the rest of the world fell away I began squeezing tighter and tighter.... The result:
The gun mags and most others figure that's a .75 inch (3/4") group reporting the range of error from the center of the group. I call that a 1.5 inch group since I'm not lookin' to sell any guns for advertisers and it's always best to report what you measure, not what you figure, whenever possible. Keeps things clearer, and it never hurts in the gun store or at the range to under-report your results. Makes it easier to beat a fella out of a cold brew.
Conclusion:
Kel-tec has done with the SU-16 what folks expected from Ruger with it's mini-14 POS. I'll hear no more small diameter barrel excuses for the Ruger. They are makin' shit and sellin' it for shinola. Hell this little honey even has the boys over at AR15.COM diggin' their panties out of their ass crack.
Kel-tec's attention to detail, proven technology design, and innovation have yielded
an Interesting Gun.
Throughout this test no malfunction whatsoever appeared. This is important because though only accurate guns are interesting, only reliable guns are worth keeping. I think Colonel Whelen would approve.
****Look Here Y'all****
I did not post this as an invitation to mini-14 bashing, even though I did start it. A lot of folks bought them with high hopes when they were the only game in town and are suffering for it, no sense in beatin' them up.
The SU-16 is being criticized at AR15.com because it has an activation rod (a la AK47). Never mind that the AK is the standard for reliability the world over.....
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Kalifornia
California is preparing to exert control over private home thermostats.
In the old Soviet Union, The Central Committee had decreed that the furnace in apartment buildings could not be started until a certain date each year. Weather was irrelevant, the government said so.
The soviets are no longer around for this populace to fear but their ideology is pervasive, so modern US Committees and Apparatchiks are free to follow in their footsteps without threat of ideological association with an obviously oppressive power.
Those who are a familiar with the Soviet system will recognize the following:
"If you can control rotating outages by letting everyone in the state share the pain," he said, "there's a lot less pain to go around."
Paraphrased Soviet verison : If there is misery to be had, spread it among the poor. For they are accustomed to misery and better able to tolerate it.
One must bear in mind everyone in the soviet union was poor but those in charge.
In the old Soviet Union, The Central Committee had decreed that the furnace in apartment buildings could not be started until a certain date each year. Weather was irrelevant, the government said so.
The soviets are no longer around for this populace to fear but their ideology is pervasive, so modern US Committees and Apparatchiks are free to follow in their footsteps without threat of ideological association with an obviously oppressive power.
Those who are a familiar with the Soviet system will recognize the following:
"If you can control rotating outages by letting everyone in the state share the pain," he said, "there's a lot less pain to go around."
Paraphrased Soviet verison : If there is misery to be had, spread it among the poor. For they are accustomed to misery and better able to tolerate it.
One must bear in mind everyone in the soviet union was poor but those in charge.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
More From The Road
I started this little trip to explore a particular road. The idea of following a single (historically) major road to where it leads has always seemed like a good way to discover some of those wonderfully quirky things, good food, striking vista, and interesting people that are part and parcel of a worthwhile motorcycle trip.
The kind of road I'm talkin' about was once the interstate of yesteryear and though often through traffic has decreased since its heyday the relatively small communities the old road served are still there. Some of these towns have withered down to a lonely post office. Others have found life's blood in the form of a touristy recreation area (lake or natural feature). There are still some based around the same industry that caused folks to congregate there in the first place. Out west there is usually a grain silo or stockyard in the middle of many a square mile of row crops or pasture, around these parts it's mines and saw mills.
I chose Highway 127 to celebrate this little God given winter respite not because it's particularly significant around these parts, as many others (231, 431) were more traveled, but because a bypassed loop of it runs right in front of my house. The most interesting things are often right in front of you.
Enough of that.
I woke to the sound of construction crews renovating the rooms around mine, showered and DID NOT shave. Brewed some motel room-gourmet coffee (not so bad), checked on the promise the Weather Channel had made to me for three warm days in January (starting to welsh already) and loaded the bike for the day's travels.
First things first - check out and go see Fall Creek Falls. The state park is crisscrossed by winding wooded roads and has a campground filtered in amongst the pine trees. I noticed a "mountainbike" path (paved) that was motorcycle prohibited, heh heh.... I rolled upon a herd of fat deer and lost a really good shot fumbling around looking for the camera. You can still see 'em though.
Fall Creek Falls is at the end of a short walk from a parking area and I imagine someone about shit himself when he stumbled upon it. Looks like the floor of the world just drops out.
I headed out of the park on TN 30 which is a really nice piece of motorcycle nirvana encompassing elevation changes with tight smooth curves banked just so. It was a little damp in spots so I had to pick my fun spots with care. I selected "third", determined it to suffice, and lost myself to the harmony of two wheels singing on pavement to the glory of an uncelebrated civil engineer. As often happens at these times, the road will show you something you didn't expect to see....
The Sequatchie Valley hove into view over the top of a rising right hand curve out of nowhere. Immediately my attention shifted to the view as I found myself rolling down the side of Walden Ridge while eyeballing an almost artificial looking scene a couple miles across to the Cumberland Plateau escarpment which looked like a 600 foot wall from where I was. The switchbacks descending the ridge began in earnest immediately. For those who don't know - Switchbacks are proof that God loves a motorcycle rider.
At the valley floor and back on US 127 McDonald's provided the morning's breakfast where an elderly couple informed me there had been no snow this year in the mountains. I told 'em we had a 1/2" snowfall so far and they seemed to reconsider their earlier statement. It seems a "snowfall" in the mountains of east Tennessee is usually significant. Since we were speaking the same language now they allowed as they might have had a couple of "dustings" so far.
The Valley provided cell phone service so I was able to check in with those who's responsibility it would be to locate my carcass in the event of some motorcycle mishap in the mountains and call up the weather forecast to refine the direction and duration of my impromptu adventure.
I had half a mind to head on into Alabama and thence to Birmingham to see the Barber Motorsports Museum by following US127 down the Saquatchie Valley through its confluence with US27. The weather God's forbade this by rushing gale force winds, horizontal rain, and tornadoes toward my geographical location. I could feel my window of opportunity closing down.
Fair enough. The glass is half full, no? I had missed a goodly portion of 127 on the way down in the dark so I took this as an opportunity to run north see and it in the daylight.
Turns out Alvin York lived just off of my street down in Pall Mall, Tn. Small world ain't it? Me and Sgt. York connected by an old wagon trail through time. What a world.
I passed a "theme" junkyard, an authorized MoonPie dealer, and some pretty spectacular scenery. I'm sure I missed alot whizzing by. For instance, There were three Ron Paul signs along the route and a plethora of "yard tractors" and I think I will use them as background to help document a future trip. Take a look:
The kind of road I'm talkin' about was once the interstate of yesteryear and though often through traffic has decreased since its heyday the relatively small communities the old road served are still there. Some of these towns have withered down to a lonely post office. Others have found life's blood in the form of a touristy recreation area (lake or natural feature). There are still some based around the same industry that caused folks to congregate there in the first place. Out west there is usually a grain silo or stockyard in the middle of many a square mile of row crops or pasture, around these parts it's mines and saw mills.
I chose Highway 127 to celebrate this little God given winter respite not because it's particularly significant around these parts, as many others (231, 431) were more traveled, but because a bypassed loop of it runs right in front of my house. The most interesting things are often right in front of you.
Enough of that.
I woke to the sound of construction crews renovating the rooms around mine, showered and DID NOT shave. Brewed some motel room-gourmet coffee (not so bad), checked on the promise the Weather Channel had made to me for three warm days in January (starting to welsh already) and loaded the bike for the day's travels.
First things first - check out and go see Fall Creek Falls. The state park is crisscrossed by winding wooded roads and has a campground filtered in amongst the pine trees. I noticed a "mountainbike" path (paved) that was motorcycle prohibited, heh heh.... I rolled upon a herd of fat deer and lost a really good shot fumbling around looking for the camera. You can still see 'em though.
Fall Creek Falls is at the end of a short walk from a parking area and I imagine someone about shit himself when he stumbled upon it. Looks like the floor of the world just drops out.
I headed out of the park on TN 30 which is a really nice piece of motorcycle nirvana encompassing elevation changes with tight smooth curves banked just so. It was a little damp in spots so I had to pick my fun spots with care. I selected "third", determined it to suffice, and lost myself to the harmony of two wheels singing on pavement to the glory of an uncelebrated civil engineer. As often happens at these times, the road will show you something you didn't expect to see....
The Sequatchie Valley hove into view over the top of a rising right hand curve out of nowhere. Immediately my attention shifted to the view as I found myself rolling down the side of Walden Ridge while eyeballing an almost artificial looking scene a couple miles across to the Cumberland Plateau escarpment which looked like a 600 foot wall from where I was. The switchbacks descending the ridge began in earnest immediately. For those who don't know - Switchbacks are proof that God loves a motorcycle rider.
At the valley floor and back on US 127 McDonald's provided the morning's breakfast where an elderly couple informed me there had been no snow this year in the mountains. I told 'em we had a 1/2" snowfall so far and they seemed to reconsider their earlier statement. It seems a "snowfall" in the mountains of east Tennessee is usually significant. Since we were speaking the same language now they allowed as they might have had a couple of "dustings" so far.
The Valley provided cell phone service so I was able to check in with those who's responsibility it would be to locate my carcass in the event of some motorcycle mishap in the mountains and call up the weather forecast to refine the direction and duration of my impromptu adventure.
I had half a mind to head on into Alabama and thence to Birmingham to see the Barber Motorsports Museum by following US127 down the Saquatchie Valley through its confluence with US27. The weather God's forbade this by rushing gale force winds, horizontal rain, and tornadoes toward my geographical location. I could feel my window of opportunity closing down.
Fair enough. The glass is half full, no? I had missed a goodly portion of 127 on the way down in the dark so I took this as an opportunity to run north see and it in the daylight.
Turns out Alvin York lived just off of my street down in Pall Mall, Tn. Small world ain't it? Me and Sgt. York connected by an old wagon trail through time. What a world.
I passed a "theme" junkyard, an authorized MoonPie dealer, and some pretty spectacular scenery. I'm sure I missed alot whizzing by. For instance, There were three Ron Paul signs along the route and a plethora of "yard tractors" and I think I will use them as background to help document a future trip. Take a look:
Monday, January 07, 2008
On the Road Less Traveled Again
What more can a fella ask for in terms of blessings when a January day arrives with the mercury above the 60's? And what kinda fella would neglect such a gift from God by hiding in the house? Not this kind. Not by a long shot.
I called Little Bro to see if he could get free. Nope, Nate couldn't go; something about a broken nail..... Maybe next time. Y'all pray for the boy. It's like he's in jail or somethin'. I'll ride for us both and I'll try to take some pictures this time.
There was some business to tend to this mornin' so I didn't get on the road 'til after noon, but the sun was out, the road was clear and damned near deserted and I wanted to see where that road goes. It goes South, of course, and it goes twisty, and smooth.
Stopped at a Sonic in Hustonville on the way down and was accosted by BMW lusting 9to5'ers (been there, been that) and giggly tip-mining-rollerskating curb girls. You can tell how cool the kiddies think your bike is by the number of cherries you get in your Cherry-Limeade. I only drew three this time, but the brothers "C" have drawn a high of six at one particular Sonic in Woodbury Tennessee. Of course, we rode sportbikes exclusively then and the kiddies always rate those higher.
Further on down the road, I crossed Wolf Creek Damn where major repair is underway. They seem to be working around the clock. Cumberland Lake is a pitiful sight.
I have ended up in a place called Fall Creek Falls State Park in the hills of central Tennessee. The claim to fame is its 256 foot waterfall! Can't wait to see it in the daylight! The roads in and around the park are magnificent. The roads on the way down here have been scenic and just crooked enough to make it fun without too much effort. Mostly rolling hills with ever steeper slopes as I came south. The grass is still green, though the trees are bare. There are leaves on the ground like it's only now settling into Fall. Gotta love global warming. Give me some more increased solar activity, Baby! I have had one hell of a day. I love my GS.
The lodge is nice. and empty. cheap in the off-season. wifi access, obviously.
Tomorrow I go to check out the Motorcycle Ranch in Pikeville, Tn. I might even sleep in a TeePee.....
From the road less traveled,
Later 'Tater.
I called Little Bro to see if he could get free. Nope, Nate couldn't go; something about a broken nail..... Maybe next time. Y'all pray for the boy. It's like he's in jail or somethin'. I'll ride for us both and I'll try to take some pictures this time.
There was some business to tend to this mornin' so I didn't get on the road 'til after noon, but the sun was out, the road was clear and damned near deserted and I wanted to see where that road goes. It goes South, of course, and it goes twisty, and smooth.
Stopped at a Sonic in Hustonville on the way down and was accosted by BMW lusting 9to5'ers (been there, been that) and giggly tip-mining-rollerskating curb girls. You can tell how cool the kiddies think your bike is by the number of cherries you get in your Cherry-Limeade. I only drew three this time, but the brothers "C" have drawn a high of six at one particular Sonic in Woodbury Tennessee. Of course, we rode sportbikes exclusively then and the kiddies always rate those higher.
Further on down the road, I crossed Wolf Creek Damn where major repair is underway. They seem to be working around the clock. Cumberland Lake is a pitiful sight.
I have ended up in a place called Fall Creek Falls State Park in the hills of central Tennessee. The claim to fame is its 256 foot waterfall! Can't wait to see it in the daylight! The roads in and around the park are magnificent. The roads on the way down here have been scenic and just crooked enough to make it fun without too much effort. Mostly rolling hills with ever steeper slopes as I came south. The grass is still green, though the trees are bare. There are leaves on the ground like it's only now settling into Fall. Gotta love global warming. Give me some more increased solar activity, Baby! I have had one hell of a day. I love my GS.
The lodge is nice. and empty. cheap in the off-season. wifi access, obviously.
Tomorrow I go to check out the Motorcycle Ranch in Pikeville, Tn. I might even sleep in a TeePee.....
From the road less traveled,
Later 'Tater.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
I Must Be Missing Something...
GM is looking to build self driving cars. Setting aside the fact that no one will by their junk by the time this technology matures, it is interesting to note that the folks "behind the wheel" driving this technology forward are beyond a doubt some of the technically brightest minds around. Even though they can be complete dumbasses.
I guess those folks saved by the computer cars will just live forever!
Thrun said a key benefit of the technology eventually will be safer roads and reducing the roughly 42,000 U.S. traffic deaths that occur annually—95 percent of which he said are caused by human mistakes.
"We might be able to cut those numbers down by a factor of 50 percent," Thrun said. "Just imagine all the funerals that won't take place."
I guess those folks saved by the computer cars will just live forever!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The Cult of GS
Bear in mind this is a full grown, 100+ horse, all day comfy, canyon carving, 100 mph cruising motorcylce.
The Evil Twin (pun intended) comes standard:
Note to the stubby legged (Nate!) - watch the end sequence and you will see Charlie doin' a triple one cheek stop. That's someone who's really determined to ride an Adventure.
The Evil Twin (pun intended) comes standard:
Note to the stubby legged (Nate!) - watch the end sequence and you will see Charlie doin' a triple one cheek stop. That's someone who's really determined to ride an Adventure.
Gary's Hot Pants
The discussion at hand is on the achievement of spacesuit like environmental control for the motorcyclist. The tried and true method is to use high resistance wire for a heating element throughout the garments worn by the rider, but Gary has an interesting take on the whole problem which would probably in the end be more comfortable, allow for defrogging the visor, and ramp up the geek factor about 1000 times.
Honda Goldwings and Kawasaki Concours have used a passive version of this for years placing the rider at the mercy of mother nature's capricious fancy and Sir Isaac Newton's laws to mix warm and ambient air in whatever temperature and ratio happen to occur.
A "boxer" type motor ("pancake" for you non-German speaking types) lends itself well to this type of setup as the "jugs" and exhaust headers are out in the airstream ready to be tapped. A system utilizing this air stream would be ideal in the following ways:
1) Airflow increases with speed as does heat production and rider heat requirement.
2) Positive pressure within garments would work to prohibit cold air infiltration.
3) Ducted air would eliminate fogged visor in all conditions.
Initially, the problems I see are as follows:
1) Materials have to be used that can withstand the temperature; that of the heated air passing through them and at the physical connection to the part upstream and therefore hotter.
2) Lightwieght and low bulk distribution throughout the garment attached. Perhaps not that big a deal as heat will naturally pass from the leading surfaces to the following.
3) Flexibilty of attachment must allow rider mobility in the "cockpit" to control motorcyle, mount and dismount,easily.
Why not just harness the heat from the pipes? A heatbox fabricated from a cylinder of some sort placed over a section of the exhaust pipe and ducted through flexible hose into a small junction box which could be equipped with a small dc fan of some sort. The hose from the "junction box" could lead into a jacket fitted with a small connector on the bottom seam which would allow access to the interior of the garment. Some sort of small diameter tubing or piping could be used to flow the heat wherever needed.
Gary | Email | Homepage | 01.03.08 - 3:35 am |
Honda Goldwings and Kawasaki Concours have used a passive version of this for years placing the rider at the mercy of mother nature's capricious fancy and Sir Isaac Newton's laws to mix warm and ambient air in whatever temperature and ratio happen to occur.
A "boxer" type motor ("pancake" for you non-German speaking types) lends itself well to this type of setup as the "jugs" and exhaust headers are out in the airstream ready to be tapped. A system utilizing this air stream would be ideal in the following ways:
1) Airflow increases with speed as does heat production and rider heat requirement.
2) Positive pressure within garments would work to prohibit cold air infiltration.
3) Ducted air would eliminate fogged visor in all conditions.
Initially, the problems I see are as follows:
1) Materials have to be used that can withstand the temperature; that of the heated air passing through them and at the physical connection to the part upstream and therefore hotter.
2) Lightwieght and low bulk distribution throughout the garment attached. Perhaps not that big a deal as heat will naturally pass from the leading surfaces to the following.
3) Flexibilty of attachment must allow rider mobility in the "cockpit" to control motorcyle, mount and dismount,easily.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Electricity and Motorcycle Nerds
This is some pretty old stuff from a dead link I referenced years ago for information to extend my riding season. For those of us who actually ride, Nate, and derive a certain satisfaction from assembling several hundred dollars worth of gear from about $40 worth of stuff this is some cool shit indeed.
Don't be intimidated by this - a girl wrote it, so anybody should be able to do it.
Sue's recipe for Electric Motorcycle Clothing
Back in 1994, someone gave me a copy of an article that described how to make an electric vest. There was only one clue as to the article's origin and that was the author credit: Mark Rotman, GWRRA #33440. So I'm guessing it was from some GoldWing riders' newsletter. I used the article to create an electric vest (which 3 years later I'm still wearing) and now I'd like to offer my own electric clothing 'recipe' for others to use.
Rest assured, you don't need an engineering or electrical background to accomplish this project. (I'm writing this with a person like me in min& very basic stuff!) You need to know an approximate amount of current available on your motorcycle. In many owner's manuals, you can find the number of amps that your bike produces and factor in how much is left over after supplying juice for various functions. Be careful not to overload the system. I was stranded in downtown Chicago on a subzero night because I had used the vest and was experimenting with heated glove inserts and the bike wouldn't start when I left work. The combination proved to draw too much from the alternator. Not good.
I'm only going to give guidelines here. The specifics, like whether to make a vest or jacket or gloves, or how much heat you want, are left up to you.
Stuff that you need:
• wire: 30 gauge, multistranded, teflon coated copper, usually comes in a 100' spool, Order form any electronics supplier. I ordered from Newark Electronics who have locations everywhere. In Schaumburg IL, call (84 7) 310-8980. Their product was called "hook-up wire, "part 36F61OWA. Price in 9197 was $14.20
• wire or lampcord: any 16-18 gauge, insulated wire, like a lamp cord; this wire runs from the vest to the battery so the length is up to you to figure out
• fuse holder: I used an inline holder
• fuse: number of amps depends on how much juice your vest will draw; my vest was only 4-5 amps so I use a 5 amp fuse
• switch: this is optional; I put one on my vest so I could turn it on and off as I ride without having to unplug it from the battery
• connectors: you choose! I used crimp barrel connectors to successfully connect the very fine 30 gauge wire to the 16 gauge cord. Not easy! Experiment and let me know what worked for you.
• tongue lugs: or something to easily affix the wire to the battery post
• some kind of plug/socket or cigarette lighter combination: to securely connect (but to allow for quick disconnect should you walk away from your bike and forget to unplug!) the wires from the battery to the wires on the vest
• Stitch Wichery stuff: purchase this from any fabric store; it creates a bond between 2 pieces of fabric when ironed
• The item of clothing and some cloth: read on...
Step-by-step
1. What do you want to electrify? I used the quilted vest that snapped into my Hein Gericke jacket. You could also use any jacket that's light enough to wear under your leathers or riding suit. I just finished electrifying the thermal liner that velcros into my First Gear Expedition suit pants.
The principle here is that you're going to make something similar to an electric blanket. You'll be sandwiching the wires between your vest or whatever and another piece of material.
Another option is to thread the 30 gauge wire on a quilting needle (which has a large enough eye) and sew the wire right into the fabric of your vest. That would only work if the vest was quilted. I opted to do this with my pants and it worked just fine. Make sure the wires are not against your clothes or skin; they get hot and could bum. Don't ask how I know that.
2. How much heat, how many amps, how many watts???
Two physics equations help us here:
Voltage = Ohms (resistance) x current (amps)
Watts = voltage x current (amps)
We know the voltage .... most motorcycles have 12 volt batteries. The 30 gauge wire is 1 ohm per foot of wire. So. 30 feet of wire equals 3 ohms. So, based on the first equation, we now know that 30 feet of our wire draws 4 amps of current.
Based on the second equation, we also know that the watts produced by our electric vest will be approximately 48. From here you can figure out how much wire to use to meet your heat needs and not draw too much from your m/c.
On the pants I made, I used 20 feet of wire which means it draws 6 amps from the bike and produces 72 watts. And it's plenty hot, maybe even too hot.
Assembly
Our mission is to create a loop of electricity that runs from the motorcycle battery to the electric clothing. Keep that in mind as you read through the assembly steps.
I put a loop off the battery (a wire from the positive post with the inline fuse holder and a wire from the negative post and joined them into a plug that hangs from the battery all the time). This could be a cigarette lighter type thing; that's what I used on my first attempt.
When I get on the bike, hanging off the bottom right side of my vest is a socket that mates with the plug hanging off the battery. A very kind friend sent me some cool plugs and sockets on pigtails so I didn't have to shop for those. They should be readily available from any Radio Shack or other similar electronics store. I also put the switch on the wire coming off the vest.
The hardest part of the process is affixing the wires to the vest. Thirty feet of very fine wire is tough to work with. The object is to lay the wire so that there's equal heat distribution. Run it up and down the front of the vest, each side, and then up and down the back, and back around to meet the other end of the wire in front. See diagram. But how do you lay the wire down, put the stich witchery on top and then cover with the fabric? It's tricky. The original author recommended cutting the wire to the right length and then working one section at a time. Put the wire in place on your vest, front right side, use scotch tape to keep the wire in place. Put the stichwitchery on that section over the wires, put the other fabric in place and iron according to the instructions on the stitchwichery package. Repeat for the back and then for the front left side. This is the hardest part! Be patient and take your time. Doing this part correctly the first time will save a lot of time and energy.
When you've got the wires sandwiched between the vest and the fabric, I'd recommend stitching around the edges so the wires aren't tempted to wiggle out (like mine did).
Again, instead of the stitchwichery route, you might try sewing the wire into a quilted vest, like I did with the thermal liners in my pants.
Ok, the next task is to take those two little teeny-weeny wires that are coming off your vest and connect them as permanently as you possibly can to the lamp cord or whatever larger gauge wire you're going to use. This was my weak point and a repair I made over and over because I kept ripping the wires out. My most successful method (still unbroken after a whole year) was to use barrel crimp connectors. Peel back the insulation on the 2 wires (one 30 and one 16 gauge), hold them parallel to each other, carefully braid the strands of the 30 gauge with the strands of the 16 gauge, put the crimp connector over them and crimp as hard as you can. Then top off the connection with lots of electrical tape. Do the same with the other 2 wires and tape the 2 connections together and tuck them safely inside the vest. You might want to allow a loop as strain relief inside the vest (so when the wire gets accidently pulled hard, there'll be some slack to give before it breaks).
Here's where you can add a switch if you desire. Install it on the 16 gauge cord. Then connect the cord to the socket or whatever you choose to use (that will attach to the plug hanging off the battery.) If you ride a BMW that has an accessory socket on the bike, just buy the male plug to connect to the vest. Easy! And then you don't need the fuse.
That's about it. Please email me if you have questions. Mark Rotman, if you happen to land on this page, please contact me so I can give you my deepest thanks and ask you how to better cite the article you wrote.
last updated, 23 Oct 1997 (by Sue)
A couple notes:
1) No, I don't know who "Sue" is, but the old like was from shadowriders.org.
2) The wire mentioned in the article can be obtained from Newark - that's where I got mine.
3) Heed the lady's warning about alternator ratings if you are gonna combine more than one electrically heated appliance and don't have a nuclear reactor equipped bike (non-BMW) though a KLR will run heated grips and a 50 watt jacket/vest with a well maintained electrical system.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Props to DrWho:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain
_________ ___________________________________ ________________________
____________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with over sized tires? __Yes __No
C. A water bed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
______________________________________________ ________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want lto be shot would be:
__________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
__________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
__ __________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
____________________________
_____________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
_____________________________
_____________________________
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Sig nature & Father's Signature
_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi or State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six months for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating, as they appear below:
Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill y ou. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.Please do not do this. The only information I require from you, [besides the application above] is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,and more than an hour goes by, do n ot sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing or holding hands. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot bellied, balding, middle-aged,dimwitted has-been fart. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and fifty-five wooded acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Have a good time!!
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
If less than your age, explain
_________ ___________________________________ ________________________
____________________________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with over sized tires? __Yes __No
C. A water bed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
______________________________________________ ________________
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want lto be shot would be:
__________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
__________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
__ __________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
____________________________
_____________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
_____________________________
_____________________________
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Sig nature & Father's Signature
_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi or State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six months for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating, as they appear below:
Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill y ou. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.Please do not do this. The only information I require from you, [besides the application above] is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,and more than an hour goes by, do n ot sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing or holding hands. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot bellied, balding, middle-aged,dimwitted has-been fart. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and fifty-five wooded acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Have a good time!!
Monday, December 17, 2007
My Kinda Girl
Thanks, Waterboy.
Note: Pay no attention to the "Likes:" items; they all say that. Don't you believe it.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Suggestions?
This horse is very popular with the ladies in his barn. The owner, though, is having some trouble deciding on an appropriate name. Any ideas?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Boredom+Beer+Cigarettes=
Amazing! I would have bet lots of hard earned money that this would have ended badly. I'll never look at those junky looking Japanese "jeeps" the same again.
Attention!! The language is a bit off color so those easily offended turn the volume down.
Attention!! The language is a bit off color so those easily offended turn the volume down.
Friday, December 07, 2007
The Legend Lives!
For all y'all faggotty-pink-john-deere-hat-wearin' sister boys:
Check out the Trick My Tractor contest!
Ride Red
Check out the Trick My Tractor contest!
Ride Red
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