From the wisdom of Appalachia comes this handy item. A must-have for every new mom's post partum toolkit. Say little Suzy comes out all rosy cheeks and giggles, but that belly button just will not shrink up into a proper body cavity. Little Suzy is looking more like a high-mount little Johnny. Can't have that.
What's a mom to do? Cosmetic surgery at such a young age? Can't have her going around ..... protruding! Relax; the old women say to place a silver half-dollar over the bellybutton and it will rapidly shrink and tuck. Folks even go so far as to sew (for the "modern girls" out there - that's the process whereby pieces of cloth are joined together to form garments) a band with a pouch in the front for the half dollar for occasions when a long term remedy is indicated.
Folks claim this method never fails and purport to have generated cavernous belly buttons from its application.
Just doing my part to combat post partum depression.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
All this talk of Social Security reform..
has got me thinkin'. Here's what I think: The problem (aside from the fact that it is a pyramid scheme) is mainly the fact that we had to borrow from the fund to finance government expenditures. Now, you will hear we had to apend it on this big thing or that big thing, but it comes down to social programs siphoning off money that should have been used for those big things to start with.
Solution: Establish a finders fee for any information linking a SS recipient to hippydom (dope, tie-die shirts, bell bottom pants, old pics of long haired maggot infested sandal wearing Rolling Stones fans) and cut the SS recipient's benefits by half. 'Cause Lord knows they pushed for all that welfare state crap.
Solution: Establish a finders fee for any information linking a SS recipient to hippydom (dope, tie-die shirts, bell bottom pants, old pics of long haired maggot infested sandal wearing Rolling Stones fans) and cut the SS recipient's benefits by half. 'Cause Lord knows they pushed for all that welfare state crap.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Medical Advice or Wisdom of the Old Women
Dr. Who will dig this.....
A woman I work with told me of a condition her young son (around 2yrs) has. He is exhibiting blisters on the back of his throat, sores on the outside of his mouth and a white tongue. Sounds odd right from the start. Being a layman I'm thinkin' it's probably something 'mom' brought home from a late weekend night. Like a herpes something or other.
Anyhow, the woman is having trouble in that her doctor is apparently unable to cope with his condition. She said he gave the boy percocette. Sounds like a recreational drug to me. What do I know? Word gets around the workplace of the woman's problem and before long a lady from eastern Kentucky tells me what the problem is.
Thrash.
I know that's how it's spelled 'cause I asked. I had to - horses carry an anaerobic bacteria commonly referred to as "thrush" on the bottoms of their feet which if left untreated can cause all kinds of nasty things.
The lady explained to me that the way to get rid of the condition is to have the seventh son of a seventh son blow into the infected child's mouth. Failing that, it is also possible to cure the condition by locating a son who has never seen his father and applying the same treatment. My next question was, "Now, where did you come up with that information?" The reply, "Old women."
Hmmmm.
Don't laugh. It was related to me that the county judge executive (that's sort of like a rural mayor for those of you cursed with city livin') qualifies under the second set of above parameters in that he has never layed eyes upon his father and folks are all the time bringing their babies to have their mouths blown into.
I have a theory about this. Not about the curing of "thrash", but about folk wisdom in general. I think we have forgotten why we do or don't do a lot of things. I believe folks worked out solutions to problems or ways to avoid Bad Things through rigid forms of behavior passed down from generation to generation. This system worked fine until the baby boomers decided that they were the smartest crop of younglings ever to have been born and set about enlightening the rest of us about the ignorance of what amounts to the combined wisdom of all the eons of mankind's existence. An example: Homosexual practice is a Bad Thing. The self appointed intelligentsia of the 60's decided this was an outdated and useless social convention rooted in superstition and so fueled the sexual 'revolution' which begat rampant "queenerism". So, it wasn't too long before scads of folks began buggering one another; after all it was only ignorance and bigotry that promoted this baseless social sanction prohibiting the homosexual practice, right? Riiiiight..... Now, thirty years and reportedly many million deaths down the road we discover (or did we re-discover) that other than the fact that you'll go to hell for buggering one another, you will be contributing to the spread of a fatal global epidemic for which there is no cure.
Here's what I think:
We knew WHAT we weren't supposed to do, but our culture allowed it to be forgotten WHY we weren't supposed to, and our arrogance caused us to have to RELEARN it. The hard way.
Who knows why having a stranger blow into a child's mouths relieves him from an illness? Perhaps the child lacks a digestive bacteria that checks the growth of some otherwise beneficial critter.... Could be anything. The seventh son part? Hmmm.
There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio.........
A woman I work with told me of a condition her young son (around 2yrs) has. He is exhibiting blisters on the back of his throat, sores on the outside of his mouth and a white tongue. Sounds odd right from the start. Being a layman I'm thinkin' it's probably something 'mom' brought home from a late weekend night. Like a herpes something or other.
Anyhow, the woman is having trouble in that her doctor is apparently unable to cope with his condition. She said he gave the boy percocette. Sounds like a recreational drug to me. What do I know? Word gets around the workplace of the woman's problem and before long a lady from eastern Kentucky tells me what the problem is.
Thrash.
I know that's how it's spelled 'cause I asked. I had to - horses carry an anaerobic bacteria commonly referred to as "thrush" on the bottoms of their feet which if left untreated can cause all kinds of nasty things.
The lady explained to me that the way to get rid of the condition is to have the seventh son of a seventh son blow into the infected child's mouth. Failing that, it is also possible to cure the condition by locating a son who has never seen his father and applying the same treatment. My next question was, "Now, where did you come up with that information?" The reply, "Old women."
Hmmmm.
Don't laugh. It was related to me that the county judge executive (that's sort of like a rural mayor for those of you cursed with city livin') qualifies under the second set of above parameters in that he has never layed eyes upon his father and folks are all the time bringing their babies to have their mouths blown into.
I have a theory about this. Not about the curing of "thrash", but about folk wisdom in general. I think we have forgotten why we do or don't do a lot of things. I believe folks worked out solutions to problems or ways to avoid Bad Things through rigid forms of behavior passed down from generation to generation. This system worked fine until the baby boomers decided that they were the smartest crop of younglings ever to have been born and set about enlightening the rest of us about the ignorance of what amounts to the combined wisdom of all the eons of mankind's existence. An example: Homosexual practice is a Bad Thing. The self appointed intelligentsia of the 60's decided this was an outdated and useless social convention rooted in superstition and so fueled the sexual 'revolution' which begat rampant "queenerism". So, it wasn't too long before scads of folks began buggering one another; after all it was only ignorance and bigotry that promoted this baseless social sanction prohibiting the homosexual practice, right? Riiiiight..... Now, thirty years and reportedly many million deaths down the road we discover (or did we re-discover) that other than the fact that you'll go to hell for buggering one another, you will be contributing to the spread of a fatal global epidemic for which there is no cure.
Here's what I think:
We knew WHAT we weren't supposed to do, but our culture allowed it to be forgotten WHY we weren't supposed to, and our arrogance caused us to have to RELEARN it. The hard way.
Who knows why having a stranger blow into a child's mouths relieves him from an illness? Perhaps the child lacks a digestive bacteria that checks the growth of some otherwise beneficial critter.... Could be anything. The seventh son part? Hmmm.
There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio.........
Things have been dead around here.....
Sorry - many upgrades going on. I have a four computer household and have been getting WiFi up and running . 802.11g rocks. Also upraded my DSL. 1.5 Mbps! WoooWhoo!
I am one happy nerd :-)
I am one happy nerd :-)
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