Saturday, January 30, 2010

Harley Goes to the Bugs

What's really going on in biker bars:

From Craigslist:

Harley rider pre-ride check off list:
1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache
2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the "Live to ride - ride to live" statement on gas tank lid.
3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider
4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.
5. Look in mirror and perfect the "I'm a bad ass motherfucker" harley riding scowl.
6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.
7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)
8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving
9. Leather pants
10. Gloves
11. Wrap around sunglasses
12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!
13. CAT work boots (new)
14. Leather vest with some "chapter" like: North chapter of pig fucking obese attention whore douche bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives.
15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.
16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.
17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.
18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.
19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool
20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.
21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of shit down the road.

22. remove rear flap from leather pants.

In other news, It is rumored VW is thinking of buying the floundering Harley-Davidson. Not surprising and fitting that a company that made it's bones with an air cooled 70 years ago engine would be in a position to take over a company still using one.

The question is, will the Harley collective still claim HD is an american company when the producer of Hitlers "People's Car" owns it?

No Reason for Federal Intervention in College Football

Unless the yankee easterners think it will help break the SEC's dominance of the sport. Somewhere in their pea-brains they harbour the idea the BCS system inherently favors the SEC in some way and that's the reason their teams generally get the shit kicked out of them and not the fact that their "back east" teams play each other in rounds of patty-cake football all season.

If there had been a playoff system, maybe Cincinnati would have beaten Florida.....

Friday, January 29, 2010

Unrealistic Expectations

You two want a pack of cigarettes and good sex? These broads obviously don't realize which end of the gene pool they inhabit.

Hey, Bro, gotta follow through for the ladies.

On a more serious note re: the Tennessee Cigarette Sisters; An incident where a female is actually charged with a crime for falsely accusing someone of rape should be shouted about from the rooftops. Women are accustomed to not having to suffer negative consequences resulting from this type of "legal revenge" and if there is to be a paradigm shift in enforcement they at least should get a heads up.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Now THAT's a Grill Guard!

That "Prius Shredder" is gonna look great on my Suburban.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Some Make Choices, Others Have Choices Thrust Upon Them

This gets filed under "thrust upon".

It makes the moniker "The One" much more appropriate.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


The Stasi in Pittsburg beat this guy damned near to death for something people all over the South, West, and (increasingly) the Midwest, commonly do every day. One of the benefits of life in the big city. No doubt, they were reassigned to applause from their mates for making the streets safer for them to kick the shit out of anyone they choose.

"Not until 15 minutes later, when uniformed officers drove up in a van and Miles overheard their conversation, did he realize he had been arrested, he said. Initially, when the handcuffs were clamped around his wrists, he thought he was being abducted, he said."

He was being abducted, only by a gang of thugs with the might of the state behind it. Appeals to the boss thugs on his behalf are a waste of time. When you live in an urban hive it is understood you give up certain rights and all your dignity much the same as you do when you choose to board a commercial airplane. He just didn't get the memo.