Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Women Have One Thing on Their Minds

Unicorns and all that implies:

Magical Journey

It's only amusing for the first 60 seconds or so.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Creative Marketing

This is copied from the 2010 Aerostich catalog and creatively describes the differences between three different motorcycle riding suits the company makes. Yes, I am a customer.

Roadcrafter vs. Darien

by Adam Novitt

Vance had always been a post-apocalyptic kind of guy. His favorite movies were Escape From New York and Logan's Run. He didn't like his neighbors and they didn't like him. The unmown lawn, the jury rigged solar panels and propane tanks just didn't sit well in Northampton. Vance wasn't surprised to find his neighbor Sally dead on her doorstep or her husband Teddy slumped behind the wheel of his car. In fact, up and down the street he noticed several cars that appeared to be crashed into telephone poles, trees, and houses. It looked like the inevitable had happened. He was, at last, a post-apocalyptic guy in a post-apocalyptic world. Naturally, Vance hopped on his bike slipped into his Aerostich Roadcrafter and headed towards the supermarket.

Vance was surprised to see Barry at the supermarket when he arrived. Everywhere along the way it'd been the same - bodies, crashed cars just like he'd always imagined. "Why'd you set the Stop and Shop on fire, Barry?" Vance intoned. "I didn't, it was burning when I got here. Anyhow, there's a Shaw's supermarket over the mountain in Pittsfield," Barry said as he leaned against his bike in his Aerostich Darien.

The morning was starting to heat up now, and the fire wasn't helping things. Barry slipped off his jacket (the Darien is a two piece) while they considered the route to Pittsfield. Vance, still astride his mount, unzipped the Roadcrafter, and even though it slipped on and off easily it was still a bit too much to take off for this short amount of time.

Barry's jacket and pants were both thinner and better ventilated than the Roadcrafter, so he felt cooler. This didn't really bother Vance, since he could wear very light street clothing under his Roadcrafter. Just then Vance noticed a group of bikers, The Mean Monsters, a local 1% gang. Shots rang out.

Vance pulled his Smith and Wesson .40 and returned fire. The Roadcrafter had ample pockets for an even larger piece than his giant S&W. The close fit of the Roadcrafter allowed the heavy gun to be carried comfortably, close to the body. Vance was surprised to see Barry pull out a Walther .22 caliber handgun. He didn't think Barry was the sort to carry, but he was glad he did.

After the Monsters went off looking for easier prey he asked Barry what gave. "Well, I stopped by Valley Sporting Goods this morning and threw a rock through their window. I looked at the guns and didn't know what to take. The lighter .22 just felt better in the Darien." Vance smiled thinking of his big gun but Barry knew that he'd deployed the lighter Walther faster and had gotten off more accurate shots due to less recoil. "In the end, it's not the size of the load, it's all about placement," thought Barry.

Both Barry and Vance wanted to get out of town. They motored fast through the wrecked cars. Vance was able to pull ahead since he felt confident in the more protective Roadcrafter. The Roadcrafter’s overall shape is better suited to an aggressive street riding position than the Darien.

As they got onto the mountain the going got slower and the Darien began to shine. Barry enjoyed standing and hunting through the rocky terrain. The main road had been totally cut off by a huge pile up and Vance and Barry had to pick their way along forest roads and sometimes even trails. The Darien was better suited to standing and trail riding.

They decided to camp for the night; it was late and it was cool. Overall Barry was more comfortable in his suit making camp than Vance in his ‘crafter. The two piece Darien was just easier to move around in and the padding was easily removed. Barry was pleased with the Darien for this application. He even managed to shoot a rabbit for dinner with his Walther, which Vance’s .40 would have obliterated.

When it came time to sleep, there was no contest. The Roadcrafter has long been known as the Aerostich Motel. Vance awoke well rested. Barry had even zipped in the optional jacket liner, but the Darien was just less comfortable to sleep in.

In the morning they decided to find some gas. When the dirt roads became pavement again near Dalton they stopped at a trailer home that had two ATVs, a Suburban, a riding mower and three cars out front.

It was then that they were set upon by the Road Rashers, a Mean Monsters satellite club. Unfortunately they’d locked their guns in saddlebags, so it was fisticuffs. The Road Rashers attacked with their trademark sandpaper-covered hockey sticks. The Roadcrafter with it’s superior padding definitely held up better and Vance was pleased. Barry’s two piece Darien also allowed the rashers to get purchase on Barry and drag him around, potentially getting under the coat and hurting him. Still, overall, they were much better protected than the Rashers in their vests and chaps.

Barry and Vance had both had dated the same Aikido instructor, Linda, whose class they’d both taken. They used that knowledge, and some garden implements, to fight their way back to their bikes. Barry was a bit more beaten up, but OK. Vance hardly noticed it.

When they finally got to the Shaw’s supermarket Barry and and Vance went in and filled up with Ramen Noodles and other awesome foodstuff. They drove their bikes right into the store, but Vance was able to pack a bit more into his Roadcrafter than Barry’s Darien. That’s when Shelly and Brenda appeared. Shelly said, “Wow, we have the same bikes as you guys. It looks like whatever happened just people with dual-purpose bikes and 1% gang members survived.” “Thank god, that means no more K bikes at the Yankee Beemers breakfasts” Brenda stated simply.

Shelly was wearing Darien Light and had a .223 carbine rifle slung over her shoulder, and Brenda an Aerostich Transit with a crossbow. The blue Darien Light set off Shelly’s fair hair that trailed below her Nolan N103. The Transit accentuated Brenda’s graceful form and dark locks. Both looked fetching and imposing.

So, pick your poison. The Roadcrafter is better at high speeds, better for carrying dense weight close to your body, makes a better sleeping bag and offers more protection. The Darien looks and acts more like a normal jacket and pants, is better for dual sport riding and fits looser and offers more freedom of action.

While the .22 lacks stopping power, it’s easier and faster to use and potentially more versatile. The big Smith and Wesson may be slower, but one shot is all it ever takes when on target.

Barry thought Brenda’s crossbow would be quiet and self contained – no looking for more ammo, just reuse the bolts. Vance thought Shelly and her carbine quite the pretty picture. The gun would still be useful in close quarters, due to it’s short length, but deliver incredible stopping power.

Somehow, everyone knew, there amidst the spoiling milk and rotting meat (the power grid gave out that morning) that everything would be OK. Everyone had chosen their gear well; all of these were good choices and it spoke to the intelligence of the group. Though the electrics that ran the store may have been dead there was electricity enough between Barry and Brenda and also between Vance and Shelly. Their loaded bikes awaited, and they rolled out of the supermarket to a life that everyone knew would contain not only adventure riding, but romance as well.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Just so y'all don't forget: Tomorrow is Dead Yankee day!

"The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing
with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in
defense of their country during the late rebellion,...."
Would that one could save up turds all year with which to decorate the invader's graves...

I did NOT plant daisies.

Is there a damned Johnny Daisyseed on the loose?

-- Sent from my Palm Pre