Did Y'all hear about this?

The AP and UPI reported that the French government announced that it had raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are, "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

Beware Synthetic Oil !

After hearing wives tales from old codgers about this for years, I have found the final, definitive word.


The Dangers of Synthetic Motor oil

Beware of synthetic oil! It can do terrible things to you and your beloved GPz1100. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part of your bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to retract automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But that's not all... Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in the apex of a turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats your sight window with a whitish pro-mulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly corrosive.

Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and die. Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain during rallies and on weekends. It will lubricate your timing chain causing it to jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens valves and causes the clearances to change every six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots night before you walk across your new carpeting.
While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of your handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen with the bridge of your nose.

It also causes your swing arm to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it voids your warranty by changing your odometer reading to 66,666. It also dries out your wet clutch and wets your dry clutch. It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for good measure. Synthetic oil hides your 12mm socket and puts superglue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your face shield and make your gloves shrink two sizes night before track day. Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for $1.25. Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail. Synthetic oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet friends and then sign your name at the bottom! It will also cause you to post long and stupid oil threads to the GPz List!

God loves the GPz1100 e-mail list as he has populated it with some of the most entertaining characters in motorcycledom and sometimes they are too good to not share. The about was sent out by a fella named Art L. and is one of the crazy coots who ride a bike that'll hit 60mph in 2.8 seconds.

Birthday Boy

Well,
Little Brother is 32 years old. Dr. Who got him a remote controlled model airplane.

When I talked to him yesterday he was playin' with his new R/C airplane. I don't know how he could be any geekier.

What's next? Orthodontic headgear? An acne relapse? Parachute pants? Leg warmers? Moon Boots? A "Perm"?

Help me out here.....