When it is OK to lie

This only applies to those for whom self examination includes self judgment. Neither navel gazers nor women need be concerned with such.

Never tell a lie when you have a reasonable expectation that someone will really believe it and/or act on it. Got it?

Now, my favorite way of lieing is also my favorite way of telling the truth.

Example:

A friend or relative does something I consider open to ridicule; perhaps for their own good, or perhaps just for the potential entertainment value to you both. Let's say I find rap 'music' on his MP3 player. What's that one?... I think it's 'nelly' or some such. Anyway, being a friend or relative implies it's someone I care about so I can't just slam the fella and leave him no way to defend himself if the story gets out to those who just want to throw darts his way and indulge in serious public ridicule. So I mix enough falsehood into the tale to let the fella know I have his valuable parts in a vise, but I am such a nice fella I won't turn the screw. This has the wonderful effect of making him grateful for the small amount of humiliation he is undergoing at my hands.

I would wait until we were at a family gathering, or among folks whose opinion he cares about (this is a VERY small group for your average redneck) and say, ' BillyBob, man I sure appreciate you lettin' me take your MP3 player on that trip last week. By the way, how long have you been listening to "M&M"?'

Among likeminded folks this is tantamount to throwing blood in the water for sharks, a feeding frenzy will occur and a large time will be had by all, including the victim. Because he has a way out.

You see, I was kind enough to lie about the truth of his transgression.

Billybob can honestly claim there was no "M&M" on his MP3 player with all the feigned injury and moral outrage which is the privilege of the falsely accused. All the while Billybob knows I let him off the hook, since he now knows that I know he is a closet 'rapper' ('Rapper' to a redneck is the moral equivalent of that monkey you see playing with himself everytime you go to the zoo), a fact I would hold over his head 'til his dyeing day.

I have heard folks refer to the above example as an 'artful' lie and I have no problem with that description. Just so long as the lie is not something you expect someone to really believe...