Monday, April 13, 2009

Deutsch-Engineering Uber Alles or Like You Need Another Reason to Buy a BMW GS

A storm front swept through the Bluegrass this afternoon just as many another has done already this spring setting off weather alerts for Tornado Watches and heavy rain. Given the recent tragedy in Murfreesboro, Tennessee and the prolific tornado generation in the region I pulled up the radar to see what was what. Nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary. Spring in the Bluegrass.

The sky slowly darkened to the west and I checked the barn doors, mower cover, and the bike cover on the GS which I keep on my porch since the parlor coffee table was not able to support its weight, but that's another story and better left untold lest MrsJAC should nose around the blog. I will say though she is still mighty pissed at our chocolate lab "Pudge" - sorry old girl, but you didn't expect me to take the rap did you!? Anyway, one more radar check, all looked good, the Tornado Watch alert popped off with it's ubiquitous warning as if it were just another disclaimer mandated by government lawyers, and I sat down to eat; secure in the knowledge we would not need to cower in the basement this evening.

As the squall line approached, the wind picked up rather more suddenly than is typical. I was not concerned as this old house has borne 110 MPH winds with nary a shudder or groan. And then I heard a "thump".....

MrsJAC witnessed this heinous act of nature and said my GS was lifted and thrown off the porch. I ran into the storm to assess the damage, not really wanting to know. I determined there was minimal, if any, damage and none to vital mechanical systems or control mechanisms. That left the fuel tank. The Fuel Tank. I shudder to consciously consider the cost of a new BMW Pacific Blue/White Special Edition GS fuel tank. Even now as I type I am suppressing the memory.

Here is what I found:
My beautiful Bike inverted and hanging onto the porch by the right side cylinder head and foot peg, the fuel tank pressed against the planking.

I had back surgery a couple weeks ago (I found a practitioner that does the slickest procedure on a herniated disk with zero recovery time that I will blog on in the near future) and am still restricted to lifting over 20lbs for another 12 days so, having lost me mind, MrsJAC had to stop me from lifting the GS back onto the porch. This wasn't all that easy a thing for her to do and I had occasion to note my girls have become quite skillful at turning their father's black rages (which, I think you will agree, a situation like this surely merits) toward things more constructive than cutting the porch up with a chainsaw to lower the GS down gently. I did manage, however, to "remove" one porch post.....

When a clearer head prevailed I went to Jamie's (my car fixin', horseshoein', barn door building compadre') to get the engine hoist to commence righting the bike to begin assessing the damage and the hit my wallet was going to take to put it back right, for it was going to be put right.

Upon returning home, Jamie had the same idea I did, which was to just pick it up and shove it back onto the porch. I discouraged him, "Dude, it's heavier than it looks. You should see what it did to the coffee table!" So, Jamie called his brother and after Brent made properly sympathetic noises the two of them graciously man handled my GS back onto the porch and back upright. I put the kickstand down and we started assessing damage.

Damage Revealed: ZERO!

German Engineering Uber Alles, by gawd. Thank God. And thanks fellas, y'all are badass.