Thursday, May 18, 2006

"The New Pollock" or "Buckeye's and Gravity Don't Mix"

BREITBART.COM - Tape Shows Man Fell Overboard From Cruise

Buckeyes - wankers from ohio who talk through their noses and are assued, all evidence to the contrary, of their own superior intellect.

It seems whereever they go in this wide world they find some dumbass way of getting killed.

We have a problem here in the Bluegrass with invading vacationing buckeyes.  They are drawn to the Dan'l Boone National Forest in droves to drive the scenic routes, jet-ski upon the recreational lakes, hunt the woods, and climb the rocks.

The former examples are annoying owing to their rude nature and conduct, but  that last one is what gets 'em into trouble. Buckeye's know that the yankees conquered gravity long ago and if one watches the Discovery Channel and smokes enough dope one can do just about anything. Like, say, free climbing, or amusing one's friends by shitting off a cliff (oops! the toilet paper got away.... I'll just catch it........ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  ... splat), or repelling Aussie style down a 300 ft rock house.

Y'all may think I'm kiddin', but one of the wife's former patients who was the owner of an ambulance service in the Red River Gorge (part of the Dan'l Boone National Forest) remarked to her he could not make an appointmet on a selected date. It seems that was in the busy season for his business as yearly, around that time, buckeye activity in the gorge increased and with it a resulting spike in climbing (falling) infuries. He further remarked that he wouldn't be able to stay in business were it not "for all the buckeyes fallin' off rocks."

Next time y'all hear of somebody gettin' eaten by a bear in the Smokies or runnin' his jetski under the bow of a barge take note of his/her native state. 10 to 1 it's a buckeye.

Tomorrow we will be discussing minnesota soccer fans.

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