Mission Accomplished

Gumbo Got!

More to come...

I'm Out

Me and the MrsJAC are two-up on the SwampThing gone for Gumbo at the Magnolia Cafe' in Natchez Under the Hill. I'll hoist one fer y'all.

Nate was gonna go, but his wife said, "No." Bummer. Maybe next time, Bro.

We're Sorry, BrandX. You Can Come Back Now!

Actually, even though I've been givin' the Harley fella's hell, Ol' BrandX is still checkin' in and even contributing every now and then. Good on ya', Brother.

He did try to get us Jap bike riders to use anti-sieze compound when replacing screws on our bikes, though, so he might actually be pissed. I can just see myself Thumpin' blissfully down the road when I hit 6500RPM; ol' SwampThing goes into Auto DisAssembley Mode and all the Self Removing Bolts start turnin' out at speed.

And just so y'all know I ain't takin' myself too seriously while whackin' the Harley boys, this fella was spoted in pennsylvania on his KLR:

I don't have the optional milkcrate, but if I did mine would be black.

Harley Bashing Never Gets Old

From my inbox this morning:

Since this also seems to be the funny-Harley-story thread I'll chime in.

I was sitting in the shade on my parked R100 eating my lunch between classes yesterday when a 40-something Harley rider rides up on his shiney '06 model and parks right next to me... in my parking space. I didn't say anything and I didn't really even mind because if he felt enough kinship with me to park in the same space just because I also ride a motorcycle then he must be alright.

It turns out he was alright and we talked while I finished my lunch. He told me about his bike and how much he enjoyed it and asked questions about mine.

The funny part happened at the end of the conversation when he said "You're not going to believe this, but I've put 1200 miles on this thing since I got it in June."

I just smiled and said "Wow, you must have had a great summer."

He asked how many miles I have on my bike and I told him 256,000. The look on his face was great and then I said "Yeah, you're not going to believe this, but I put about 1200 miles on this thing every two weeks."

(Disclaimer: Yes it's a 25 year old bike and no I didn't put all those miles on it, but I do put about 1200 miles on it every 2 weeks just because of commuting. That doesn't include weekend riding or trips.)

I had a similar experience with my parent's neighbor. The fella is restoring and old Sportster 1000 and doin' one hell of a job. The Brothers 'C' are always pickin' with him about it, especially since he knows better having had a Z1 "back in the day.

Well one day he had enough ribbing and whined, all but throwing a crying fit. All because I playfully scoffed at how little he and other Harley owners actually rode their bikes. My first reaction was to try and smooth things over, but I quickly figured out it was just that he was havin' trouble reconciling his Harley fantasy with our assertions of reality, how ever much they were in jest.

It must have really stuck in his craw 'cause later he came over to poke fun of SwampThing loaded on the trailer for the trip home.

"You ride that much?"
-yep.
"I bet those knobbies are rough on the highway"
-Not too bad.
"They wear out fast, too, don't they."
-Not as fast as you'd think. They're a pretty good on/off road compromise
"How many miles that thing got on it?"
- 30,000.
Keep in mind SwampThing looks for all the world like a dirtbike and it's only a 2003.

He kept his composure, but those eyes were on the ground.

Dude Bought a Harley

Ever wonder what those dentists are thinkin' out there on their chrome pigs?

A little insight:

It ran great! In the course of about an hour I put about 15 miles on it in stop-and-go traffic without encountering any problems at all. Aside from a few embarrassing moments when I killed it trying to take off while facing up a hill (with cars racked up behind me, all probably laughing uproariously at the geek on the Harley), it was righteous. It was stupendous. I motored around Greenlake in the sun with my feet on the pegs, the wind in my face, and tears of joy streaming down my cheeks. I was a badass. Bad to the bone! Ride to live, live to ride you sumbitches! The sociopathic tendencies that exist in all bikers blossomed and coursed through my veins. A foot-long grey beard magically sprouted out of my face as faded tattoos spread across my arms and back. Blasting through a busy crosswalk doing 40 over the limit, I stuck my leg out and laughed as my titanium shinguard smashed a little ol' lady's walker into smithereens. I tore off my helmet and hurled it at The Man sitting in his cage in a Winchell's parking lot. I pumped 12-gauge rounds into a whole row of Quiet Please / Hospital Zone signs and then held the throttle wide open with my shin through the center of the shopping mall while I leaned back and reloaded. Raised $50,000 for a local children's home through a biker club rally too. It was a most enjoyable day.

After having it for awhile, he comes to this conclusion:

Over the next 18 months, I put over 3000 miles on the scooter and over 1000 miles on the Sportster. I can safely say that there are significant differences between the two. In many ways, the little scooter is the superior machine.

Within about 3 weeks of daily commuting on the scooter, I began to feel more confident in my ability to come to a rapid stop without having to think too much about it. The scooter felt more and more like riding a motorized bicycle. The Harley felt like riding an aircraft carrier in comparison. It never felt as nimble as the scooter, probably because, well, it isn't. This was true at speed as well as when parking. The scooter can be bumped over curbs and wedged between dumpsters without a second thought. There's no danger of it tipping over while you're weaving around at low speed because it doesn't weigh anything. If it does fall over, it's no big deal.

I ride the scooter rain or shine, mud, gravel, whatever. Part of the Harley's appeal, and value, is it's gloss black paint job, stainless steel braided cabling and hoses, and chrome. I don't want to blast through mudpuddles with it.

After All the Shit

Reuters still has their staged "Suffering Lebanonese Broad" pic up on their website:

EP is Holding a Shoot

Sunday 8/27

Who ever is close enough and wants to come - I know there are many around the Red river Montague county Texas area that might want to come shoot some clay birds. This is our annual tradition, and everybody is welcome. We have alot of fun, and we always like new victims., just kidding.

We have alot of games we play and it cost you a quarter, yep 25 cents per game. we do it for fun not profit, you will have a ball come join us. Email me at ru4cowboys@yahoo.com between now and Sunday morning at 9:00 AM and I will send you the directions.

This isn't some PC gun club shoot, this is the real thing that test's your skills in every way.

Will there be beer?

A Stuck Screw - Philips Head

First!

Righty Tighty - Lefty Loosey

Use good driver bits or drivers. Don't skimp or try to save money here you'll pay for it in te end.

If you have been smart and stopped trying to turn the screw out before the head is cone shaped try the following:

Apply enetrating oil, wait a half hour. Remove screw.

Tap your screwdriver lightly with a hammer as you apply turning force to it.

If that doesn't work, place a screwdriver bit into the philips "star" and heat it cherry red. Leave it there until it and the screw have cooled. This will expand the scew, hopefully breaking any corrosion bond as it cools. Remove the screw if possible. Use the previous procedure if needed.

Note: - your may want to heat the bit out of the scew and then place it in the screw with a pair of pliers if you are imprecise with your torch work.


If the screw head is stripped or nearly stripped try the following:

Place the end of a flat punch (pin punch) about at least the size of the screw head over the screw and whack it. This will close the philips "star" again giving your driver some bite again. You may have to whack the screwdriver into the new star. You might try heating the bit here as you are almost to the end of the options.

Apply some "valve grinding compound" to the screwdriver tip. This will give is extra "bite" and help prevent it from camming out of the screw head. Remove the screw.

If you have gone and just made a funnel shape of the screw head, get a center punch and drive it into four points arond the screw head making another (boogered up) "star". Heat a bit as described above. I don't hold out much hope with this method, but it will sometimes work.

There are some screw extraction devices that are sold by crafstman and others that look lise reverse running countersink bits. Try these, too. They will work on screws that just need a little extra force to come out, but they will only chew the head off if the screw is actually frozen.


If all else fails: Drill.

I'll not go into this as it requires equipment and o

My Civic Duty

So You Went and Told the Masses

First EP, then Nate, now ABC snews.

Internet websites have been full of speculation that it could be a target date for terrorists in commemoration of the return of the 12th imam, a supposed day of reckoning for Shiites.

I got a dollar says won't shit happen tomorrow.

Zen And The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Chapter I - The Chain





Modern chains are sealed units with preinstalled factory internal lubrication. Some are of the "endless" variety and must be assembled/disassembled using special tools for replacement or when required for other maintenance prcedures.
They come in different sizes or "pitches" and are specific to an application.

O-Ring:
These are the seals that retain the factory installed "grease" internally. Preserving these is part of the goal of proper chain maintenance.

Masterlink:
This is the part of the chain that allows you to disconnect it from itself. There are three types; Riveted, Slip-fit clip type, and Press-fit clip type.
Only the "Slip-fit clip type" is easily roadside friendly.
The "Press-fit clip type" can be dealt with on the side of the road, but it's a pain in the ass.
The "Riveted" type refers makes an endless chain and requires special tools to work with. It can be disassembled and assembled with common hand tools and workbench, but it ain't fun and it won't work as well or be as safe.

Lubrication:
This is a highly contentious topic. There as many theories as there are riders, but The following is universal.

No matter what you use, use it often and keep your chain as clean as poosible.

There are two basic types of lube; Oily, and chain "wax". Manufacturers recommend "oily" as in 80wt to 90wt gear oil brushed onto a clean chain usually every 300 to 400 miles. Some use WD40. That might be OK for cleaning a chain, but it ain't gonna lube it and some say it will deteriorate the o-rings that seal the chain.
Chain "wax" is a class of spray on lubricant that won't fling off the chain and applies in a somewhat less messy manner than "oily" libricants do. I hate this stuff. It does nothing to prevent corrosion of the chain plates and your chain will look like shit right quick.

The Best Solution is to install an automatic lubrication system such as a "Scott Oiler" or somesuch.

The following manufacturer's link has videos of chain assembley and disassembley.

Chain Stuff

It's High Time For a Trip

SwampThing has undergone some mainteance upgrades lately, and I'm thinkin' it's time to take him out on the road. So, I am beginning the initial stages of planning a motorcycle excursion. An adventure. No great thing. A small thing. Leaning toward another Iron Butt trip, but a loop this time. Have to see what's 500 miles away and interesting. Looks like a solo trip this time as Nate appears covered up in domestic duties.
Break out my old 2002 edition of Streets and Trips and look around..... Some possiblities: A SuperSlab Tour through major cities nearby (ugh), A Hillbilly Backroad Tour through eastern Kentucky and East Tennessee, A Never Too Far From Home Tour which maintanes a maximum radius from the house of 3 hours driving time. Of all these the Hillbilly Backroad Tour looks the most interesting. May plot a River Road Tour along the Ohio; that'd be fun, too.

I'm Really Gettin' The Itch

I stumbled on this fella's website the other day and checked out his videos. He does some pretty good editing work. Sure, this one is corny, but if ya' got time and bandwidth check some of the others out, especially the rainy trackdays. One fella starts a slide 30yds before the turn!

Bandwidth Warning

Let's Eat!

Riders, Post your general location so I can get a handle on whether or not a Sunday ride to a steak dinner at some central location would be feasible. We may be able to just get a few together at different points at different times as I figure folks are pretty spread out, but I don't need much excuse to ride to a good meal.

MM I got you in Indy.
Nate's near Nashville.
Welldigger is near Nashville.
EP is near DFW.
Bill is somewhere Gawd-awful near as I can tell...

Pipe up, y'all

The Times, They Are a Changin'

Some old ridin' buddies went on a poker run today. They met for breakfast at Cracker Barrel in Lexington, then on to Midway for their meet up.

I was invited. I didn't go. We not exactly, "didn't go"; I met 'em for breakfast and rode with 'em to the meet up.

A couple of these guys have been faithful riding buddies for many years, and leaving them with the poker run organizers I felt like I was abandoning them to a nursing home. What can ya' do?! I talked until I'm blue in the face, but they are beguiled by the flatulent, toothless pachyderm. So, abandon them I did, lest I fall along side them into the morass of fatman's whimsy where reason may not reach and from which there is no salvation.

UPDATE:
I heard back from one of the old-folks. It seems one of the harley ridiers t-boned a roadside tree. From the description it sounds like another Harley rider 30 mph freeze-up. Popped over a hill, saw a curve and a driveway equipped with optional 16" ( " means inches, SB) diameter tree and fixed his paniced gaze upon the tree. You know the rule, look where you want to go. He looked, He went.
Bike is wrecked. Head is bashed, brain is scrambled (it was before) since he wore no helmet. I am told he had no idea where he was, what he was doing, what day it was, or how he got there. He was alive when they hauled him off, though his breathing was laboured and he was wheezing badly.
He sure looked cool w/o his helmet on. Bet his family will think he's cool, too, when they have to wipe his ass because he shits himself now.


Ride safe y'all. And ATGATT; You're worth the trouble.

JACIII

Counterpoint: Honda Shadow 1100 (Sabre)

Ok, 'tis my turn at bat, so to say , 'specially since Bill 's bloviations are done and Nate got in his first salvo on this here deal, Neither on the topic at hand , btw, but I digress . JAC, first of all kudos to ya for taking the time to do a real-deal from the saddle test / your perspective of riding a bike that is not what you would normally ride, but did it with us in mind, a most noble endevour, fo' sho'. Now, to the VT1100 . The ergo's may not be too your liking, but it is de rigeur for " cruisers" , damn I hate that term, but they are made for easy ridin', and no, the aint got the handling thing down to a tee, a good set of tires helps, but the mushy factory suspension needs some help too, Gold valves make a Big diff. The neck bearings could prolly stand a snuggin, too. Are they good bikes ? yes, for the value and their intended use, absolutely . Do I think they are better than a Harley, no.
Brand X

Off Topic: That there's a pic BrandX sent me of some of his kin roundin' up dinner. Always wanted to try 'gator.

Alien Abductors Are Pussies

There's a new airplane terrotist threat so, you guessed it, we need to tighten security at airports! Bend over boys, those "black wands" will soon be put to more probitive use and unlike our pals the alien abductors the rent-a-cops won't have to flit about procuring their own probe-ees. They're linin' up like cattle in a chute for the procedure.

Oh, and somebody please tell me why exploding ragheads need to actually board a plane to slaughter civilians when several planeloads worth are lined up for the taking? Are we gonna have an airport security checkpoint checkpoint?
That's it, line up, single file! Be patient, pretend it's a breadline in the old USSR. There now, we'll pretend it's an interesting historical exercise instead of a mind-numbing, dehumanizing exercise in futility.

Bike Review: Honda Shadow 1100 (Sabre) Conclusion

Sorry I took so long to finish this up.

... I rode the Shad'er for about 50 miles, took my youngest daughter for a spin. She liked it. The oldest sneered at it and went back in the house.

Something I noticed while doin' some city ridin' on this thing is that cruiser riders are real catty toward each other. They don't necessarily wave back and they do a lot of checking out the other guy's bike out of the corner of their eye. 99% of the time anybody on any motorcycle waves to me, on the SwampThing, on the Voyager, on Big Red, but not on the Shad'er. Weird, huh?! My theory is that cruisers are all about looks and all about looks is a distinctly feminine perspective so, of course they're gonna act like bitches toward one another.

Finally, there is no question the Shad'er is well built with all the fit and finish you expect from Honda. That said, it is a royal pig on the road. The front end manages to be heavy and unstable at the same time - neat trick that. The riding position is bizarre and no one who has ridden a modern bike with a rational riding position any length of time is gonna tolerate the gynecological exam riding position (or in Nate's nomenclature the "flying squirrel").

Conclusion: The Shad'er is an OK bike for What It Is. Now, "What It Is" is an antique motorcycle with a few (very few) refinements. I can understand a motorcycle company that has never designed or manufactured a modern, competent motorcycle (Harley) turning one of these out, but not one of the Big Four. Their engineers had to be taught how to make a bike this inept. Sadly that is what the American market demands a lot of. Go figure.

If you took a poll of random Joe on the street:"What kind of motorcycle would you like to have?" Most would answer some form of cruiser, so it is true most people would like to have a cruiser. It is also true that most people don't know shit about bikes.

Bill, Bill, Bill.....

Here's some input on the cruisers of yesteryear from Bill:

I'm not aware of a decent "cruiser" made today. They took the decent engines (which MUST, MUST, MUST be a water-cooled V-4) and wrapped all this ugly plastic around them. I've never been impressed with the Shadow, or any twin for that matter. They just can't spool up fast enough, what use is being on a bike if you don't have power on tap? It's like being in a car except you get wet when it rains. My Magna (sadly gone lo these many years) could cruise happily all day at 120, and it'd get there in a hurry. If you didn't mind shifting gears it could hang in there at 150, but was a bit buzzy and the wind was beginning to be a problem, and if your balls are bigger than your brain it can hit 180.

The older cruisers handled pretty well, too. Dragging foot pegs is a constant problem, but with minimal countersteer and reasonable body english you can throw one through a decent line on a curve (just ignore the sparks and they'll go away).

When Harley came out with the V-Rod Honda was wonderin' what all the fuss was about since they already made that bike 20 years earlier and no one (hardly) bought it.

I like havin' you around, Bill, so rather than figure yer blowin' smoke up my ass about the 150 MPH Magna, I'll mark it down as hyperbole. It reminds me a lot of most older fella's I know who remember their old cars/bikes as a lot faster than they really were even allowing for optomistic speedos.

Dad still swears he drove his old '46 ford 130mph throught the mountains of Tennessee on the way to Florida to elope with Mom. We just smile and nod. What are ya' gonna do?

Bike Review: Honda Shadow 1100

I spent the day on a cruiser. I know, " It must be snowin' in hades!". Well, first thing is first:

JACIII Review - Honda Shadow 1100

First thing I noticed was the handlebar controls , mirrors, and gauge (singular) were all in the right places. Fit and finish, from the paint to the shiney bits is nearly flawless with only age blemishing the Shad'er, and then inconspicuously.

It's carbeurated, so I set the enrichener and hit the starter. Fired right up. The Cobra pipes have a nice snap on-throttle, but off-throttle there's a kind of hollow gurgling sound. Weird and out of charecter.

Time to go! I notched it into first (once I found the shifter up by the front wheel) flipped the enrichener off and fed in some throttle as I eased out the clutch. Easy, smooth take off. No surprises, no faltering engine. The Honda has plenty of oomph to get out of its own way and no feathering of the clutch is called for.

Once out on the road I had to make myself short-shift it as I am used to SwampThing's 7500 RPM redline which isn't much, but Swampy's a screamer compared to a cruiser. No tach, but I figure it cruises 65mph at about 2500. It's entertaining trying to get it to lug at low speed. It'll do it, but you have to try to make it happen. Basically, it doesn't much care what gear it is in.

There's not much grunt down low, but it tractors out pretty well. The top end is, well, . The Shad'er fills in the torque curve at the midrange, though. It's has some passing power from 45 to 60, but you are still at the mercy of traffic flow rather than its master. Momentum is your friend as there are no sudden bursts of speed, quick direction changes, and you're not gonna bleed of spped at a steep rate, either. Plan ahead. Sorta like towing a travel trailer.

This is one heavy steering bike. Between the 'flying squirrel' riding position and the big inputs required to make this thing turn, I can understand why cruiser boys don't ride very much. I had to hold it into the turns with continuous steering pressure. No 'set it and forget it' here I'm tellin' ya'. You're probably thinkin' it's the compromise cruisers make to be stable at highway speeds, right? Wrong. This thing tracks every ripple, rut, seam, and crease in the roadsurface. SwampThing is more confidence inspiring on the interstate. That said, the Shad'er is pretty happy clippin' along at an indicated 80mph. Past that it starts gettin' squirrely; vibratin' and waggin' it's head. Some of this could be the old-style tread pattern on the tires, but then again it might not be.

I pusuhed it up to and indicated 100mph. 100 is no place to stay for long on this thing.

I'll have more later on the Shad'er. For now, though, some explanation is in order.

It's snowin' in hades because I leant SwampThing out to a friend of mine so he could take his son out on the trail on his little JR50. See he rides (I use the term loosely) a cruiser so he would not have been able to take the boy ridin' someplace besides his back yard unless SwampThing stepped in.

I got to worryin' about somenoby else bein' out in the woods on my bike so I called him and told him to bring me his bike so I could hold it hostage. That way he might think twice before gettin' careless with ol' Swampy. I figured I could always run his bike through the creek if he mistreated SwampThing. Swampy came home without much more than a broken turn signal lens and he coughed up the $30.00 right quick so I have no complaints.



I found this while looking for an image of the Shad'er.
Caution: Not work safe!