Saturday, December 31, 2005

Ick.

I thought after the campaign to normalize pedophilia beastiality would be peddled as commonplace, but I must admit to being surprised by this.

MR: "Excuse me I feel the need to go french kiss a tree."

WaterBoy: "Man, I miss that about Michigan. Frenching the maples in March."

MR: "Ah, true but for me the real maple syrup still comes from VT."


I can hear MR's wife now -

MRsMR -"Just what the hell do you think you are doing?"
MR - It's not sex if you don't have intercourse.
MRsMR - Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!
MR - OW! Stopit, Honey! She doesn't mean anything to me! Really OW! It's just for the syrup! I don't even really like michigan maples! You know I prefer vermonts! OW!
MRsMR - Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap! My mother told me there was something wrong with you. I should *Whap!* have listened.
MR - Waterboy does it, too!
MrsMR - If Waterboy jumped off a cliff...Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!

Friday, December 30, 2005

MR wants to drive through Mexico with the family

Y'all think that's a good idea?

I would have to do a lot of research before I went with other adults, much less children. I get the impression mexico is a lot like Jamaica - you need to stay in the resort areas to survive.

The Family Truckster




Now that's family transportation! Just look at the ass on those things. And can you beat rear facing thirdrow seats for the fun factor?

For the Record

SB is right.

*and she's a prety good troll spotter, too*

Thursday, December 29, 2005

MiniVan Madness



I see 'em all the time. Minivans darting in and out of traffic, passing at the speed of sound on the interstate. Always some henpecked frustrated wimp behind the wheel.
I ask you, really, what kind of man drives a minivan? And past that; What kind of man drives a Minivan fast?

People didn't drive stationwagons this way. I miss stationwagons.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Anatomy of a Business Call






Phone rings. I see it's a local number I don't recognize. Shit. Somebody probably with a nag that can't walk and hasn't been trimmed in a year, and won't get trimmed again for another year. I let voicemail get it and answer the third call the next day.

JACIII - Yeah. (No sense in encouragin' 'em)
Y - Um, I have some horses that need trimming and one in front shoes that needs to be reset.

JACII - Okay, How many need trimming?
Y - Let's see.... 14. And the one in front shoes.

JACIII - What are they?
Y - What are they??? Uh, they're broodmares. Oh, and a weanling, and a yearling. And two stallions.
JACIII - OK, what are they? (She'll catch on in a minute)
Y - Oh, quarterhorses.

JACIII - When were they trimmed last?
Y - Well, they're three weeks overdue.
JACIII - (Deep calming breath) When were they trimmed last?
Y - Oh, we had 'em on an eight week schedule but, like I said they are three weeks overdue, so... eleven weeks.

JACIII - Got it. Why do you have one in shoes. (It's crippled...)
Y - Oh, that's my baby. I've had her since she was a foal. She's eighteen and I just want her to be comfortable. She has some calcium deposits on her knee and the vet in Wisconsin put special shoes on her. I have them if you want to see them. (These turned out to be cheap caulked shoes someone had beaten the toe square one. Not a bad plan except for the caulks)
JACIII - The vet put shoes on her? (oh, shit, a yankee know-it-all with a yankee know-it-all vet.) What happened to her knee?
Y - It's an old injury. The vet didn't actually put the shoes on, my old blacksnith Larry did. I have them if you want to see them. I don't care what it costs I just want her comfortable.
JACIII - (Get's out the old schedule book) Let's see...
Y - What do you charge?


This Lady's horses were extremely well behaved, had long enough legs to get under them (rare for modern dachshund-like Q-horses), was appreciative of the work, but unappreciative of the bill. Hey! That's a lot of horses! And one of the shoes on the old mare is a twenty dollar (my cost) shoe by it's self. She'd have shit if one of the $400.00 (my cost) shoes had been required.
Note the last question was not the first question she asked as is often the case and tells a farrier where the priorities are in their horses care. She is not your typical quarterhorse owner that wants her horse trimmed in such a manner that it will win a show but become unsound down the road. (No, I don't do that. There are plenty of jack-legs out there who will.) She does, however, think they do it better in Wisconson (yankee - can't help it) where everyone is smarter and knows quite alot about horses, so we shall see how this one goes. After I saw her reaction to the bill, I didn't reschedule her but told her to call in a couple weeks to reschedule . That will give her an out (by not calling) and time to find a cheaper farrier so she wouldn't have to lie were I to call to confirm seven weeks from now.

Such is the life of a horseshoer.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Y'all have a great Christmas !

Don't know how much I'll be around this and next week. The grils are off to Grandma's and as soon as I trim 14 horses and shoe one (That takes care of the Christmas bills!) this afternoon I will be following on the Mothership. I am hoping to ride to the Keys next week weather permitting.

Audioblogger is history, so I can't send ride reports, but there's always Nate's Peep Paradise, or EP's new pad, and Vox is picking on girls again. Pick your poison.

I know, I didn't get everyone's links up here, so do what I do and look through the comments for links to Roci and whosyourhuckleberry and the rest. Good readin' all around.

- Update -
Horses done ($400.00 for 2 1/2 hours work!!!!), bike warmed up, showered (Yes, I washed behind my ears), shaved, clean underwear (in case I'm in an accident). See y'all!

Damn Gregg!

Thanks for the video/pics! That's one bigassed tornado!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Tonight's Movie

Unforgiven

Favorite line:
"You just use ya' hand?"

Go See

EP's New Blog and try not to notice that JACIII is listed above Nate's Peep Paradise in the Links frame.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Bow Down


I finally got in a ride under 20F. Went all of 26 miles, speeds up to 95mph @ 19degreesF (That's -7C). My fingertips were a bit frosty even with the heated grips, but the rest of me was toasty due to my new homemade electric jacket/liner under my Harley FXRG riding suit.

Only problem is the grip heaters seem to be getting too hot on the throttle tube and making it stick. I'm callin' the dealer tonight, but anyone with experience with the Kimpex/Dualstar grip heaters feel free to expound. I ran 'em on the low setting and they really didn't seem very warm, but the throttle tube is NOT happy.

Ride Safe, Ride Fast, Ride Far.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

It's Always a Good Idea to Be Prepared

Chuck Hawks website has some practical advise on motorcycle safety:

Motorcycle Firearms

By Christopher Lee

With the growing popularity of personal firearms carry among motorcyclists, it's important to find the weapon that best meets our rather specific self defense needs. On occasion, a drunk driver or a car driver experiencing road rage will purposefully ram a motorcycle, which never works out well for the motorcyclist.

Use your superior agility and acceleration to evade the car if you can. However, because the driver is attacking the motorcyclist with a deadly weapon (the car), the motorcyclist is legally entitled to defend him or her self with lethal force, probably a firearm. Will you ever be in this situation? Let's hope not. But should you be, here are some suggestions that might just keep you alive:

1. When selecting a firearm for motorcycle carry, opt for one that has a ported barrel, especially if your choice is a lightweight gun in a magnum caliber. Ported barrels are a relatively new technology, and they significantly reduce the recoil of the firearm. That means that when you are firing from a moving motorcycle, the shot will be less likely to disrupt your balance.


Note: I must add here it is never wrong or even a bad idea to carry a .45 - JACIII


2. Additionally, choose a high velocity medium bore cartridge (.357 Magnum, .38 Super, .357 Sig, or 9mm Luger+P). When you are firing at a moving vehicle, remember that the bullet must penetrate safety glass and still stay on target. .357/9mm high velocity or +P rounds are smaller in diameter than the big bore calibers, but pack a big punch; this translates into more penetration power. I use a Taurus Total Titanium Tracker, which is a very accurate seven shot .357 Magnum revolver.




3. For the same reason, keep relatively heavy weight (for example 158 grain in .357 Magnum) full metal jacket or jacketed soft point ammo in the firearm when on the road. Especially avoid hollow point bullets, which provide less penetration than standard cast lead bullets.


4. Practice firing the weapon from your motorcycle. For this, you need a large, privately owned, sparsely populated property area where you know ahead of time there will be no people wandering around. Start with dry fire practice. Pick a specific target (like a tree) as you are moving and track it, dry firing the gun 3-6 times at the target. Once you are comfortable taking your eyes off the road for the time it takes to fire 3-6 rounds, load the firearm and practice firing one round at a time at a paper target (so you can see where your bullets hit) in front of a safe backstop. Start with a smaller caliber if you have one available. (Another reason I like a .357 Magnum revolver is that you can use the same gun to fire the lighter .38 Special round.) Work your way up until you can empty all the chambers comfortably and accurately with full power ammunition.


5. If you decide to fire, FIRE AT THE DRIVER, NOT THE CAR. Obvious in retrospect, make sure you decide to fire at the driver before you engage to avoid time-consuming, and therefore dangerous, mistakes.


6. Once you hit the driver, get away from the car! The car could go ANYWHERE at that point, and the farther you move away from it, the less likely it is to accidentally hit you.

If you are ever in a situation where you are being attacked with lethal force on the road, it goes without saying that you should try to escape by any means possible that does not endanger your life or the life of innocent bystanders. Evade if you possibly can, resorting to lethal counter-force only as a last resort.

Christopher Lee is a Doctor of Psychology and has been a personal self defense instructor for over twelve years.


I would also like to advocate the use of a left handed crossdraw shoulder rig. All neccessary motorcycle controls are on the right hand. You can up and down shift w/o the clutch with minimal practice so with a left handed draw you retain control of the acceleration and braking functions of you motorcycle while engaging the soon to be remorseful driver with your left hand. I don't believe you will be able to acquire a sight picture so just walk the impacts toward the driver and fire for effect.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Heads Up


This country has gone really bad on two occasions in it's history and with it has gone the hope of the world for free men and free societies.

Things were tickin' along pretty well up until 1861 when the colder and more subservient half of the country (bootlickin' yankee scum; beady-eyed cocksuckers all) became enthusiastic willing cannon fodder for those in power with imperial urges. The better half of he country was raped and pillaged and an attempt was made to remake these occupied territories in the image of the land of beady-eyed cocksucker's . It didn't work, even some of the beady-eyed cocksuckers began to realize their mistake, but the foundation of overreaching federal power was laid.

The second time things really went to shit: FDR, the great depression, the emergency powers act, confiscation of gold, the federal reserve. That finished it. No way back from that. We've been fucked ever since, just by varying degrees.

Lecture over. I'll hear no more surprised indignation from anyone proclaiming their rights violated. The only time said 'rights' are retained or defended is when someone is able to shine the light of truth through the illusion of freedom those runnin' the place hide behind. Even then they only genuflect toward the constitution until the light moves on at which time they creep out from the holes the crawfished into and carry on. Business as usual. 'nuff said.

Quit bitchin'. Hoarde ammo.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

DOH!

A friend of mine suffered from horrible back pain that would come and go but after a while seemed to just never go away. So he went to the doctor and went throught the whole nine yards, proctologist, MRI EVERYTHING. His doctor finally broke the news to him that his condition was chronic and that the only relief he might hope to find was through a radical surgery that involved removal of some tissue including his testicles.

Back pain ain't so bad.
But after a while the constant misery and pain or the alternative of a drug induced stupor was just too much to bear, so my friend bit the bullet and opted for the surgery.

Whew!

What a difference! After the surgery he felt like a new... errr... man without balls. But his back pain disappeared.!

Still he was depressed. No balls, who wouldn't e depressed? he was so depressed that his doctor picked up on it. No psychologist, yet a caring empathic kinda man, the doc suggested to my friend that he might feel better after buying some sharp new clothes, a new suit even.

My friend being the obedient type decided to give that a try.
So my friend stops by at JoS Banke. As soon as he walks in one of the salesmen says to my friend "42 long!"

Darned if that isn't his jacket size, and being surprised by the astute young salesman, my friend responds, hey that's right! How'd you know my jacket size?

The salesman replies "that is my job sir. Will you be needing a new jacket and some pants, 34 waist, 36 inseam?"

Again my friend is surprised at the correct estimation of his pants size he replies, "hey that's right! How'd you know my pants size?"

Same response from the salesman, "that's my job sir."

So the salesman gets my friend all set up with new pants, jacket, shirt (yeah he got the size right on the shirt too), tie, even socks. Then while the salesman was ringing up the order my friend stopped him saying "hey, I need some new briefs too, would you add a half dozen size 34 briefs to my order?"

At which the salesman stops cold and says forcefully "NO SIR!" You need a size 36 brief!

My friend a bit taken aback retorted with a hesitant chuckle "sorry you are wrong on that one; I've always worn size 34 briefs."

Looking very serious now, the salesman puts his hand on my friend's shoulder seeming as if to communicate an exceptional graveness of some horrible issue about to befall the world. The salesman then, staring earnestly into my friend's eyes says "oh no sir, if you were to wear size 34 briefs for a prolonged time, they would bind your testicles and cause you to suffer unbearable back pain."

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Shout out to Gregg!

This months Motorcyclist has and editorial column where the author raves about the DRZ-400 he's ridin'. Three pages of gushin' over what fun it is. For y'all who don't know this is Gregg's primary mode of transportation and he is justifiably proud of his mount.

The DRZ 400 is in a class of road going semi-serious trail bikes. The class includes the KLR650 (affectionately known as the Swamp Thing - Mine was blue and I called her Blue Yonder), the Honda XR 400 and XR650, Yamaha is curiously absent from the lineup except for the WR400 with is pretty dirt focused.



Now Gregg has the Suzuki and loves it, I've had the Kaw and can either sing it's praises or cuss its foibles by turns. Surely one of y'all has ridden the Honda, yes?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Gary Sticks His Head Up.

There's his shadow right over there. G'night, Gary.

Seriously, Gary has been a busy beaver.... groundhog. Alright consider that analogy stretched. Check out his New Rules for 2006 for a hoot.

My favorite:
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were hoping to goodness you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

From the man who has seen EVERY Leonardo DiCaprio movie:


"Titanic was nothing to be sneezed at. You didn't like it?"

You're right. It was nothing to sneeze at. It's better described as something to wipe your butt with.

Worst.

Movie.

Ever.
Nate | Homepage | 12.11.05 - 2:38 pm | #

Take the Guns Away, Crime goes Through the Roof.... Then What?

Britain confiscated its subjects firearms and became a shining example of the deadly effect of this on the average person. Assault, robbery, burglary, all rose to unprecedented levels. The principle of disarmament was even carried to the logical next step of outlawing self defense. What does the socialist government do next? Once again Britain is setting the example.

The choice was stark; either we accepted that nothing could be done, that we would allow the rights of victims routinely to be trampled on, or we granted new powers to local authorities and the police. This was, and is, the rationale for all the so-called summary powers that we have introduced.


Right!, you institute summary powers for your police. The courts are broken down with those messy trial things, what with all those 'rights' her majesty's subjects want to cling to. Of course the police won't abuse their new powers; there is an appeal process after all!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

I Am a Token Gentile


This is the "ACLU for the 2nd Amendment". After reading about them and looking over their no compromise approach to defense of the second amendment several years ago I joined their organization. I sent in my $20.00 with a note asking if they accepted gentiles. Mr Zelman responded stating that gentile dollars spent the same as Jew dollars and I was welcome.

Take a look around the site. You will be impressed by the passion of their commitment to your right to keep and bear arms.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Bwaahaaahaaahaa!

Lifted from Vox's
"It's even further irrelevant because feminist guys like me are not submissive nor weak. It's just that pansy ass guys like you can't stand how we bag all the hot bi chicks, so you need names to call. :-)
jhkim | Homepage | 12.08.05 - 3:59 pm|#"


Thanks for informing us of that imposing reality. Now, go put on your makeup, grab your manpurse and get ready to go be really sensitive at the rally, Mary.


I just love the sissy boys who act tough on a computer. "bag all the hot bi chicks".... please. You could probably stroll through a whorehouse with a roll of thousands strapped to your neck and still not get action.
Scintan | 12.08.05 - 4:22 pm

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Bill - Down With the Witch Thang or I love it When Folks Go Off

Obviously the English language is a derivation of the Pagan tongue. This points at America's roots as a pagan nation that was co-opted by Christians who then adopted all the pagan holidays and symbols in an effort to win over the vast majority of the population that was pagan at that time. All historic American documents (Declaration of Independence, US Constitution, etc) were all actually derived, often in large directly transcribed sections, from ancient druidic writings that were originally written on oak bark using the blood of goats mixed with the pee of the last remaining unicorn.
Bill Edit comment Delete comment | Email | Homepage | 12.07.05 - 10:53 am |


And that was just the preface!

I would put that into 'Theban' (An ancient tongue, the origins of which are lost in the mists of time! Really. No, it really is ancient. really, I'm serious. Seriously; serious!) but I can't seem to find my secret decoder ring. Help me out, Res.
How come no witches have shown up to turn us all into newts? (I got better) Must I put 'wiccan' in a header? I don't think I can do it.
**************************N O T I C E*******************************

This is off-topic I know, but JamieR was mentioning a trip to the US. I know of a certain river (now a lake) in Georgia where we could give him a real "downhome" welcome to our (red)neck of the woods. Y'all know what I'm talkin' about and those who don't haven't seen Deliverence.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Lost : West Virginia Witch

Hey, Nate I think I found your ex-neighbor! She's down in Florida doing battle with other witches and reading and writing in ancient tongues.

Who wants to bet the "ancient tongue" is a derivative of pig-latin?

Addendum******

Go here for the "Theban" alphabet. "It's origins are lost in the mists of time", but it corresponds directly to the English alphabet. Hmmm

Monday, December 05, 2005

Goodbye Fancy

My youngest daughter is grieving the loss of her most faithful friend.


Remember Me

When you hear the thunder
remember me
for those are my hoofbeats
upon your heart
deep in the night.

Do not fear the lightning
and remember me
for my hooves strike sparks
so you may see
in your darkest hour.

And when the rain falls
remember me
for those are my tears of joy
as I run with the sky herd
free of rein and pain and heavy burden.

Look up and remember me
for you will see the shape of my
fiery head thrown high
among the clouds,
warmed by sun but even more
because you remember me.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Ethnocentricity

Take notice. It’s a bad thing. In fact this is what’s got us ass deep into raghead shit. For those of you who don’t know; ethnocentricity is the instinct to think others are like ourselves in values, beliefs, goals, morals. This applies even in the face of obvious evidence to the contrary.
An example of this alluded to above is the fact that Americans seem unable to fathom the brutality and sensless violence the raghead culture is steeped in and the reality that the culture is centered around obescience to those with the will to make brutal application of force. This has also happened to us in the past with the Soviets and Vietnamese peoples. A large segment of the population still goes glassy-eyed when the horrors of life under Stalin and Co and the millions of dead are recalled. They try to put communism in the context of they’re own experience and their experience doesn’t allow for the realities of federal mass murder. They have no experience with those who would gladly die to kill a few folks they know are no threat to them.

The murderbombers and their ilk also look at us through the lens of ethnocentricity and believe we will respect the greater brutality and murderousness, as they would, of their culture. We won’t, nor will we see past our own ethnocentric blinders and exercise the level of ruthless domination ragheads respect in those they hold up in authority over themselves.

One would think after killin millions of them on the battle field with the comparative effort of fly-swatting the idea would sink in Perhaps we are not letting enough return to their excuse for civilization maimed, starved, broken, and burned to tell the tale. Maybe instead of corralling them, feeding them, fixing them medically, and suckin’ up to them before releasing them we should chase their sorry draggin’ asses all the way home taking potshots at ‘em along the way. Think it would help? I do.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

So I've Been Watching Monty Python.....

Waterboy: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Res: I don't think I was.
Waterboy: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Res: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Waterboy: No, it's too perilous.
Res: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Waterboy: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Res: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Waterboy: No. It's unhealthy.
Res: I bet you're gay.
Waterboy: Am not.


Gregg: Who goes there?
Nate: It is I, Nate, son of Peep Peepdragon, from the castle of Peepalot. King of the Peeps, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all Peeps!
Gregg: Pull the other one!
Nate: I am, and this is my trusty servant Peepsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of peeps who will join me in my court at Peepalot. I must speak with your lord and master.
Gregg: What? Ridden on a horse?
Nate: Yes!
Gregg: You're using coconuts!
Nate: What?
Gregg: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
Nate: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
Gregg: Where'd you get the coconuts?
Nate: We found them.
Gregg: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
Nate: What do you mean?
Gregg: Well, this is a temperate zone
Nate: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
Gregg: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Nate: Not at all. They could be carried.
Gregg: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
Nate: It could grip it by the husk!
Bill: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
Nate: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Nate from the Court of Peepalot is here?
Bill: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
Nate: Please!
Bill: Am I right?



JACIII: There she is!
Welldigger: Where?
JACIII: There!
Welldigger: What? Behind the Spacebunny?
JACIII: It *is* the Spacebunny!
Welldigger: You silly sod!
JACIII: What?
Welldigger: You got us all worked up!
JACIII: Well, that's no ordinary Spacebunny.
Welldigger: Ohh.
JACIII: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered female you ever set eyes on!
JamieR: You tit! I soiled my kilt I was so scared!
JACIII: Look, that Spacebunny's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Whosyourhuckleberry: Get stuffed!
JACIII: She'll do you up a treat, mate.
Whosyourhuckleberry: Oh, yeah?
JamieR: You mangy Scots git!
JACIII: I'm warning you!
JamieR: What's she do? Nibble your arse?
JACIII: She's got huge, sharp... er... She can leap about. Look at the BONES!
Welldigger: Go on, BrandX. Chop his head off!
BrandX: Right! Silly little bleeder. One Spacebunny stew comin' right up!
[after BrandX is killed by the Spacebunny]
JACIII: I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it?

Doom: DarlinJoy!
DrWho: No, I am DarlinJoy's identical twin sister, DrWho.
[He tried to get past her]
DrWho: Where are you going?
Doom: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!
DrWho: No, oh no! Bad, bad DarlinJoy!
Doom: What is it?
DrWho: She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just remembered, is Grail shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.
Doom: It's not the real Grail?
DrWho: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty evil DarlinJoy! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty!
Blondage: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.
Nate: And me. And me too. And me.
Blondage: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.

Special request for Waterboy ----->

The Lizard Queen: Old woman.
Vox: Man.
The Lizard Queen: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Vox: I'm 37.
The Lizard Queen: What?
Vox: I'm 37. I'm not old.
The Lizard Queen: Well I can't just call you "man".
Vox: Well you could say "Vox".
The Lizard Queen: I didn't know you were called Vox.
Vox: Well you didn't bother to find out did you?
The Lizard Queen: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked... [discreetly replaces artificial appendage behind mail]
Vox: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
The Lizard Queen: Well I am queen.
Vox: Oh, queen eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
The Lizard Queen: I am your queen.
Astrosmith: Well I didn't vote for you.
The Lizard Queen: You don't vote for queens.
Astrosmith: Well how'd you become queen then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
The Lizard Queen: The Lady Under the Desk, her clad in the purest blue dress held forth Excalibur from her bosom, signifying by divine providence that I, The Lizard Queen, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your queen.
Vox: [interrupting] Listen, strange women kneelin' under desks distributin', ahem, “swords” is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical erotic ceremony.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Mr. Obvious

However in training you only set yourself back by letting body parts get removed because of stubborness.
Mutly


Now, that's funny. Don't ask me why.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Quote of the Day or Wisdom Where You Find It

I was working with a group in mixed company the other day when an acquaintance of us all was brought up for some lighthearted criticism. One of the older fellas says, "Oh, leave Randy alone; he's a good boy".
One of the women we were with pushed her hat down as she was turning to leave and said, almost to herself, " 'Not much call for good boys".

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Nepostism

Even stipulating that little brothers are nothing more than what their elder siblings made of them sometimes the boy is just ON.

Check it out

Monday, November 28, 2005

Is There Anything Dumber Than Coed Wrestling?

My niece (not by blood) is involved in coed wrestling. Her father is normally a pretty level headed fella, but I think he has gone off his rocker completely here.

Let me get this straight. You transport your 14 year old daughter to practice and matches and encourage her to be pawed (excuse me grappled) by boys and encourage her to paw them in turn. I suspect there is no one tellin' the boys they may not use boobs for leverage and must not reach between the legs to turn their female opponent.

In the data turned up from the Google search there is always an aside about a girl "wrestler" being excited when a boy wrestler asks her out. Well, DUH! They just dryhumped themselves into a lather for six minutes.

Did they take the word "impropriety" out of the dictionary?

Comment of the Day

Re: Nate's Ridin' Suit

Boys are weird. Girls just don't do stuff like this..

Spacebunny

Riders Go Here

Nate, Welldigger, Gregg, BrandX, Bill and the rest of y'all (no one left out on purpose) go read the collected wisdom and foolishness of the Rounders.

Favorite cold weather riding tip - "There are gloves with fur on the index finger for the specific purpose of wiping your nose. After the snot freezes you just chip it off the fur and you have a fresh clean wiper again."

Let's see.....

Heated grips - check
barndoor fairing - check
one piece insulated riding suit - check
balaclava - check
toasty snot removal gloves - well....
Now, where did I put the rest of that teflon coated heater wire....

I thought I was a bad-ass rider but I only get a "Three Quarts" Rounder qualification.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Nate's Ridin' Suit

I was lookin' through my old pictures the other day and found this one from a few years back. We got caught out ridin' in worse than inclimate weather and improvised this for the poor boy so he could get to the next stop w/o expiring. Have duct tape will travel.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Off Target or Where does one find these imbeciles?

I was reading about the boycott of Target stores today because the word Christmas is banished from the place. So, I thought I would do a little web snooping to see if it was much ado about nothing or really some politically correct nazi rendering of the "holiday" pseudonym that is focus group friendly to not offend.

Check out their corporate "Philosophy".
Click here to play spot the fag on their "diversity" page.

Corporate lemmings. The folks running Target are paid good money to come up with this bullshit? Do they ever get out of NewYork or California, or wherever the hell they are holed (sorry) up in insular asskissing sessions?

What is with the "holiday" pseudonym? Can these people not do math? Hmm.... We don't want to offend the 354 wiccan women's studies professors so we'll piss off the 250 million Christians to keep from doing it. Smart! Give that man a raise. Oops! Diversity is one of Target's core values; make that "give that ethnic person a raise".

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I See

One of these in Bill's future...

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Just lookin' at the news...

Can the world get any more fucked up? Folks in power are passin' out favors and suckin' up to their commie rat bastard socalled competition like there is a fire sale goin' on. Folks wanting back in power are making it quite clear they'd as soon tear the whole place down if we don't give them their ball back so they can make the rules again.

It is amazing to me to watch filthy rich folks acting empathetic with the unwashed masses and the masses falling for it. A fella the other day remarked to me that he didn't understand why politicians did not seem nearly concerned as they should be about $3/gallon gas and record fuel prices. I told him because those pols were of a different class than him to such an extent that a $3/gal tank of gas was a trifling sum to them on the order of the change in the bottom of his pocket. He blinked as if awaking and said, "Yeah, I guess you're right." And then, I could tell, went promptly back to la-la land. Democrat, of course.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Look! A Convert! In the Minnesota Territory!

GPB, is the revisionist history their mother teaching them any worse or more dangerous than the lies that are taught about Lincoln and the Civil war? Why or why not?
Spacebunny | 11.14.05 - 2:31 pm |


******* Statement that SB was a Florida girl (I guess I was thinking Beach Bunny) redacted by author*******


This is from a discussion at SB's hubby's blog about his most recent column on the indoctrinal purposes of government school. I agree with the premise, but the last time I went to an 'assembley" at our local government elementary school they were singing hymns.
I guess the exception proves the rule? But I have to wonder that with home schooling prevalent in this area perhaps the local schools are influenced by many taking the decision to remove their children from them. Free market ya'll!

Skill

skill (skĭl)
n.

1. Proficiency, facility, or dexterity that is acquired or developed through training or experience. See synonyms at ability.
2.
1. An art, trade, or technique, particularly one requiring use of the hands or body.
2. A developed talent or ability: writing skills.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Isn't That Nice.....

All this from a comment that holy "diversity" was being used to mainstream deviance:

I tried my best but I can keep quiet no longer. I am
tired of being assaulted by the kind of racist,
insulting diatribe that has reached its nadir in
recent days on this list.
If diversity is "deviance" Don then I am a "deviant".
I am BLACK and proud of it!
And I will tell you what diversity brings to a nation.
It brings greatness and richness of the type that the
US achieved. The US stands as living proof of what a
nation that is willing to give shelter and
opportunities to all who are willing to work hard
towards a common goal, no matter what their origins,
no matter what their culture or race, can achieve.
Conversely, that is why France is a wimp.
May I remind you that WE ARE ALL IMMIGRANTS, ALL
FOREIGNERS.
The only authenitic Americans are the Native Americans
whose land our founding fathers stole and grabbed,
much as the war in Iraq is about grabbing resources
that belong to others.
May I remind you that our superiority in space
exploration and science during the fifties resulted in
large part from our diversifying by grabbing the
Werner von Brauns and other surplus scientists that
were spirited out of Nazi Germany; that we are barely
maintaining our edge in modern technology thanks to
the thousands of Asians, Africans, Latinos, etc., who
are some of the best brains of their natiive
countries, and who initially came as foreign grad
students and have settled and integrated into our
society .... because we were smart enough to open our
arms to them. France marginalized her contingent.
As for her problems, France is just reaping the fruits
of her centuries of colonial exploitation and
depredations, when she ravaged and plundered a good
third of the surface of the globe.
As for Veterans Day, we Blacks remember many things:
the Buffalo Soldiers, the Black Regiments who fought
with valor and distinction both during the Great War
and in all theatres from Anzio to Berlin during WWII,
the Tuskeegee Airmen, etc
Do you know what all the above shared in common?
Besides willlingness to pay the ultimate price for our
freedoms? for our country?
They were all abused because of their race, some were
spat upon on their return from their wars and beaten
EVEN WHILE IN UNIFORM riding back down to their homes
in the South in segregated rail cars. Our fathers
tell of German POWs being treated better than Black US
soldiers.
And I, personally, on Veterans Day, think about my
nephew who has just completed a tour in Iraq and who
through the "Back Door Draft" has to do another in
Afghanistan, and I pray for him and all our young
brave soldiers who are dying and being IEDed into
mangled flesh in a war into which this nation was
cynically conned by a totally ruthless band of
arrogant men who abused the great patriotism of the
kind displayed on this list and exploited the strong
religious fervor of the kind that Dondiego has in his
heart, (I don't agree with your views, Don, but I
respect your right to hold them, and even admire your
certitude) while Dick Cheney and Halliburton and
Bush's Big Oil bretheren laugh all the way to the
bank.
This may be my last communication to this list because
I fully expect to be kicked off it!
If so, it was great knowing you guys.


I and others have had remarkably sane discourse with this person in the past. Who new Louis Farrakahn was so close to the surface?

Friday, November 11, 2005

Why Harley Guys Don't Wave






Another victim of The Dragon at Deal's Gap.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

What a Man Can Do

What I saw a man do made me question the professed causes and benefits of the industrial revolution, the wholesale replacement of skilled craftsmen with autonomic machines. Many of you are familiar with todays industrial robots, metalworking machinery, the synthesis of the two, and their inherent precision capabilities. Consider how really specialized those devices are and how limited in what each can produce relative to programming and setup time. Now, consider this:

Y'all know I am a practicianer of the manly arts of Horseshoeing and Blacksmithing and if you are like I was, you're pretty sure the old ways of fashioning metal are fairly crude and imprecise. One of the tasks I was given to perform at horseshoeing school was to fashion a punch that would impress the exact precise shape of a certain type (there are many) of horseshoe nail head into an piece of red hot steel. I chose to make an "E" head punch for a #5 nail. An "E" head nail has roughly the shape listed as 'countersunk'.

I took measurements of angles, dimensions, used a caliper to measure the cross section of the shank, drew it up and roughed it out with hammer, fire, and anvil, then went to the grinder with my drawings and calipers and protractor to finish it up. Two hours later I was not satisfied. Disgusted I went to the head instructor and proprietor of the school and expressed my frustration.
- Let me see that.
I presented my work. He glanced at my handful of tools and drawings, smirked, arose from his desk and without a word went to the workshop to my anvil, started the forge and placed my work into it.

- What's this supposed to be.
JACIII - "E" five.
- OK. Watch.
He opened the forge door and removed the glowing steel. Placing it on the anvil at an angle, he spat into his palm, hefted my hammer and obliterated what I had so painstakingly wrought in three "Thor"-like blows. I stood in shock! Two hours of work gone, and this ham handed SOB squashed it in three blows and 5 seconds. Then...
He rotated the piece, so... WHAM! (full on hammer-stroke brought from above his head).. WHAM!WHAM!. Rotated it again, WHAM!.. WHAM!WHAM! .... eyballed it WHAM! fliped it over, spat. tap-tap-tap..tap, eyballed it rotated itWHAM!.... WHAM!

- See?

And departed the workshop. Total working time elapsed - less than 15 seconds.
I thought 'Bullshit!' and got out my measuring instruments. No bullshit. I tried the punch on a piece of steel and dropped a #5 E-head into it resulting cavity. perfect.

P E R F E C T

Not close, not good enough. perfect. As if you had used the nail itself to make a mold into playdoh and dropped the nail back into it.
"How can he do that?", you ask.
Answer - Because he is a master and student of an old-world craft and, most importantly, because nobody ever told him he couldn't. He has no formal education in modern methods of machining and is largely ignorant of and precision machinery beyond a common drill press.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Monolithic Dome



I've always had a problem with these and Bill points to a valid concern about expansion causing cracks, but the stress that concerns me is from the temperature gradient from the outside surface to the inside surface of the concrete structure.

This is the primary mode of natural failure of most crystaline ware and it should also apply here. As the outside surface is warmed it wants to expand but the inside surface, being cooler resists that expansion. This places the outer surface in compression and the inner surface into tension. This is not a bad thing as it toughens the outer shell, but when the sun goes down the outside will be under tension which means it's lookin' for a flaw, stress riser, or any other excuse to crack. Given the thickness of the typical wall these forces could become quite large.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

First Hand Report from France

Alex from the GPz e-mail list provided an unsolicited european account of the 'troubles' in france.

Here's the link for Alex' blog.

In case anybody of you is wondering about the ongoings in France: It's a
mess.

Two youths died after - presumably - fleeing the Police in Paris, for an
identity control. Now you can argue whether random identity controls are
abusive and wrong, but at least they are not worth to die for not being
subject to them.

This took place in the "village before the village", which is called
"banlieu" in French, for which "banned place" is the literal
translation. The inhabitants of those villages are to a part citizens
who came from the former French colonies or "areas of power". They are
legally French citizens, they speak the language, but for the last
decades (since ever they came over) they have been subject to discreet
and sometimes not-so-discreet negative discrimination. It's hard to find
a job if you live in the wrong area, have the wrong name and the wrong
look. The bit of that which I can feel is that you'd better prepare for
a control if you have a dark complexion and cross the borders. I see
this happening in front of me often enough.

Out of frustration some kids (we speak of youths, 11..15) started to put
cars to fire in Clichy in the night after the death of the two youths
and this was obviously a big show - since then, mostly kids all over the
country think that it's really big fun to set cars on fire and play hide
and seek with the Police. There is no coordination, no leader, no real
motivation except the "fun" of making riots happen - and apparently it's
very funny to even burn the very schools and kindergardens which
actually are in those areas, thus limiting chances for education and
integration even further.

Not to speak of the people whose cars were burning - these are not the
places where they sell a lot of all-risks-included insurances.

But politics are not sleeping and the French interior minister had
nothing better to do than to insult the people, thus pushing the riots
even further. And to announce that the police will act with "full
force". They do not, and it's a wise decision - any further dead people
on any side would start an avalanche.

In the meantime, local leaders and religious leaders, the parents of the
kids who died in the beginning, asked everyone to let things calm down.

This night, the first curfews are in place.

I'm living pretty much on the countryside, around 30 min away from the
next cities - there have been some events, but at least a few days ago
the Gendarmes (MP) were not upset. I'll see one of them tomorrow and
will know more (or not ;)).

cheers
Alex


Thanks for the heads up Alex. You stay safe in the countryside and shoot all trespassers like we do here.


It's a different world over there and Alex's view is going to be a bit different than ours. No flames toward Alex, please, as he has done us the favor of providing a firsthand account.

You gotta love the frogs:
"Fire and blood in France -- at least that's what some foreign media claim is going on," Le Parisien wrote. "Paris is burning, civil war, war zone, race riots -- the headlines, especially on TV, often have no nuance."

Nuance he says! You can't make shit like that up.They are running wild burning the place down and he's upset about the lack of nuance in headlines. Ha!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Tornado Defense

Photo credit to http://www.karinya.com

Bill asks:
What would it take to build a tornado proof house? I'm guessing the roof would be the tough part, but folks make houses that can take a cat 5 hurricane, why not tornado proof? As I type, I'm thinking that with a wind load of a few hundred pounds per square yard, and having to put up with airborne cows and such,

I have heard of aerated-concrete dome houses that are supposed to be able to take massive wind loads, but there is no telling where a load spike might locate on a structure or how massive the spike might be since we really don't seem to know that much about how the darned things function.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

"Were you prepared for this?"


This was the question the CNN reporter asked the deputy fire chief in Newburg, Indiana. Like they had three days to prepare? Ditzy bitch. The Emergency Broadcast System failed as did the 911 system prior to the tornado. The government will take care of you. Don't you fret.

I reckon y'all have heard about this tornado in Southern Indiana and North-Western KY Saturday night. We put in a quick call to the inlaws this morning as MrsJAC has an aunt with a farm next to Ellis Park (the horse track that got hit. Bless 'em, their all OK. This country lets a twister run wild, as you can see.

Don on the GPz list just checked in and he's worried that he hasn't heard from his baby sister who lives in one of the areas hit. Prayers are appreciated on his behalf, and all those injured or suffering a loss.

Some of you boys out west may think the country in the linked pics looks familiar; It just goes on forever so flat a teaspoon of water will cover an acre. I miss it still and these rolling hills in central Kentucky make me feel plumb claustrophobic.


The work of one ugly critter.

I Miss My X-Car


For those of you not in the clique, an X-Car is common parlance among owners of the Ford Excursion. Just as fuel prices started to rise I ditched the Excursion in favor of the most fuel efficient 4x4 with 5000lb+ towing capacity I could find. We got a Jeep Liberty smoker (that's a diesel ladies - SB already knew that) and it is big fun, reliable, and cheap to keep. It's no Excursion, though.

I firmly believe there is no luxury greater than space. That being said, our old Excursion is probably the most luxurious vehicle I have ever been in, and it was quite reasonably priced for what it was. 8000 lbs of steel, 425 Hp and 400 ftlbs of torque, four wheel drive like an old power wagon, a foot of ground clearence, four cows worth of leather interior, drove like a big Mercedes, an undercarriage that brings to mind a cement truck.

I have had a sneaking suspicion that the fact that it and other SUV's offered unparalleled luxury and capapbility to the masses is the primary reason for the 'anti-SUV' vehemence in society. Who do you hear gripin' about 'em?! Beady-eyed-cocksuckers with enough money to buy 1000 of 'em. It's just no fun being a bigshot if when stopped in traffic the view from your limo is the polished hub of a 4x4 wheel on Suzy Homemaker's Suburban which happens to have features and amenities your limo doesn't. That won't do. Can't have folks who work for a livin' havin' it too good, can we?

The other SUV haters are commiesratbastards and can't abide having the benefits of the free market displayed before their unbelieving eyes.

Alas, what the beady-eye-cocksuckers and the commie-rat-bastards couldn't do fuel prices have. The X-Car was nice, but I couldn't see spendin' $300.00 a week to have the wife livin' large.

Monday, October 31, 2005

JACmail


Props to Res!

Y'all remember the story of Mario the Matador? Well Res sent this to me the other day. It seems a husband and wife were out riding when they spotted a cougar. The cougar decided it wanted to try some canine cuisine which made the mule wonder what pussy tasted like. Enjoy!




Saturday, October 29, 2005

I Found It !


"The paranoid spokesman sees the fate of conspiracy in apocalyptic terms -- he traffics in the birth and death of whole worlds, whole political orders, whole systems of human values. He is always manning the barricades of civilization."
- Hofstadter


When I read Vox or other libertarian blogs, I always think, "Chicken Little - The sky is falling! The sky is Falling!", not because Vox an Co. are paranoid or nuts or way out in left field on issues concerning liberty and the results of the lack thereof, but because they are often jumping the gun on them. It's seems true to me that most of what the government does is leading us to destruction and misery, but these fellas seem to think it's "just around the corner" or "any minute", often making predictions of immediacy. Whether it's economic disaster, martial law, or the instant extinction of mankind they see it pending post-haste.

I have always attributed this to a sort of short circuit of intuition. As I understand it intuition is the brain subconsciously assimilating seemingly random and unrelated data into a sudden conclusion or solution, and I think being around others of libertarian mindset increases the relative frequency of occurrence of ideas related to eventual catastrophic failure of social/economic systems. This frequency adds urgency to the equation and the result is eminent dire predictions.

And you thought they were just paranoid.....

Drat and Double Drat

Track day canceled. Here I sit in TN with bike fully prepped and the track day was cancelled due to ????. Nobody knows, but the brothers "C" are pissed, except for Nate who wasn't allowed to go anyway.

I saw y'all got into an "oil prices" discussion. Thread stealers. Just kiddin', the whole thing blows my mind, but I have to disagree with the assertion that folks charging more for fuel that they already had in their tanks than they originally paid for it is gouging. Small operators have to anticipate big hikes in their costs so they don't get pinched in a shortage. We have to pay them to buy fuel, store it, dispense it, and to provide the service of maintaining that convenient (to us) supply.

It will be interesting to see what oil company executives have to say in the upcoming congressional hearings. They did a piss poor job of dealing with the fallout from reporting record profits in times of shortage. Regardless of the economic reality most folks have a low level of understanding of economic principles and the way our markets function which leads them to pressure their representatives for action against oil companies. The executives of oil companies are well paid and should be sacked summarily after the things that got into the press concerning reactions to the latest quarterly reports.

This and the fact that there is no way to over-estimate the impact energy prices have on the economy have folks in an uproar. I couldn't help but notice that shortly after Bill Frist announced hearings into the matter fuel prices slid dramatically. CYA anyone?

Bill, I use the ballpein method of staking master links. Sometimes well developed hammer control comes in handy.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Zen and the Art

Damn! Is anything simple with these things? And just who the hell decided motorcycle chains had to be riveted at the masterlink? Oh, sure, it's reassuring to know there isn't a clip to fly off at 140 MPH, but that doesn't help SQUAT when the shop manual says, "Remove Chain".

I got the transmission cover off anyway and replaced the countershaft seal and the shifter shaft seal. I'm reassembling it tomorrow and putting it on the trailer. I am very excited about Sunday, though I do feel a bit twilight-zone realizing I am 40, riding around on a red motorcycle, and going to a race track for the first time.

I would concede a midlife crisis were it not that I have pretty much been a child for the entire previous 39 years and I assume one must have an adult year or two in there somewhere to qualify for regression.

On a lighter note: Nothing like a few pending indictments to send GW and Co. scurrying back to suck up to us neandrathal conservatives for support is there?!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

The Day Approaches

The brothers "C" are preparing for their first day on a real honest to goodness racetrack. Poor old Big Red (GPz1100 @ 35000 miles)has oil leaks at the shifter shaft and countershaft seals which must be dealt with, Welldigger's YZF1000R is in the shop now getting prep done, and I don't know what Nate's gonna do for that poor garage queen CBR1000F. I'm gonna run on my Avon street tires since the edges are needing evening up to that flat spot down the center, anyway. Carbs could use a synch job, but I'm too lazy. There's plenty of smooth pull from 1500RPM anyway, and she howls like a demon above 5000.

Brakes - check
tires - check
body secure - check
chain - check
controls - check
boots and leathers - check
oil - check
fuel - check
masking tape to cover lights and gauges - check
shop manual - check
tools - check and doublecheck
The balls to give Big Red her head and see where the limit really is - Oh, Baby!


So, oil leaks will be remedied tomorrow, swap out the ethylene-glycol for water, a thorough onceover before tiein' her to the trailer, spike the fuel with some octane booster and then head out. That's the plan, though I'm sure Digger will be bitchin' Big Red isn't clean enough and she'll get another detailed goin' over.

Hope the weather holds nice for the weekend or mother nature could shoot all our hard made coordination and travel plans.

PS - Joy, BrandX posted some good advice under "The Desired Effect" post concerning your new Ninja.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Gettin' There Alive


Everyone has a particular part of riding that scares the bejesus out of them. Me? I hate intersections. I hate everything about 'em. Those left turning nincumpoops have got bullseyes painted on me, I can feel it. So, whenever possible I use another vehicle for "cover" as I pass through an intersection. If I spot a left turn signal I'll try to pass through the intersection on the right of a car or, preferably, truck crossing the intersection too. If the light has just changed as I approach I'll try to let a truck or car go through ahead of me to sorta "wake up" any motorists who might have been thinking of running that red light.

Got any good tips? Dish 'em.

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Desired Effect

Went ridin' today with some buddies. The usual crew plus two new guys. One of the new guys rides an FJR1300. WHOOWEEE! That thang is sweet I'm tellin' ya'. Sounds like an electric motor at idle. The other new guy had a ZX6R that is the old model but still does serious business past about 8000 RPM to the tune of about 98HP. There was the usual assortment of cruisers to wait on, also. Frank, Rainman, Timmy (hereinafter refered to as "Runaway"), and Pappy all made like flatulant elephants goin' down the road.

After a hearty breakfast at Cracker Barrel (does that hash brown casserole rock or what!?) we set out for parts unknown on HWY 25N. The ride was pretty much uneventful except for dinner in Erlanger, Ky. I make it a practice to periodically zoom the cruisers; always in the other lane and never crowding them. If I start a car length behind 'em, drop a gear and hammer it I usually will past the one directly in front of me with about a 25 MPH speed differential. Thosde farther up the line will get passed with as high as a 70 or 80 MPH differential. I do it cause I can't stand to poke along behind 'em any longer, but they think I do it to irritate 'em. Suits me. Typically I'll ride ahead about 3 minutes and then end up waiting 5 minutes or so on 'em, they give me the middle finger salute as they "blat" by. Great fun for all.

Runaway is a competitive type of guy and it just kills him for somebody to get in front of him, do better than him, finish ahead of him. You know the type. Well at dinner he was complainin' about me "thump"ing past him and must have forgotten himself, because he said,
"I kept watchin' for him to pass, and just as soon as I get to thinkin' he's not gonna, BAM!, there he goes! It scares the shit outta ya'! There nothing you can do! I always shake a few times, I can't help it."


That, my friends, is The Desired Effect.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

My Favorite Motorcycle Story

I have read this in several places. Don't know, but it rings true from my perspective, anyway. The fella is riding an ST1100 a sport-touring bike with an emphasis on touring. It's big, heavy, and fast.
Enjoy

Date: Wed, 30 May 2001


The Story:

See why I HATE these fucking deer so much?

So there I was, riding to Gerlach and the infamous MASS GOLD endurance event. I had departed well after midnight, cruising down HWY 395, one of THE FINEST motorcycle roads to be found anywhere. I was just coming down a hill to an incredibly flat valley that stretched perhaps 1-2 miles before the next series of hills. This valley was flat, Flat, FLAT, with nothing but sagebrush that was only 12-18" high. I looked long and hard for any range cattle or other furry critters that could cause problems. Nope, not a thing on this prairie but sagebrush. I relaxed and descended into the valley floor.

I was approximately halfway across the valley when I went into another instrument scan. I checked the tachometer, looked up at the Sigma, then down to the temp gauge, then looked up to see the 75-lb doe looking right at me, standing directly in front of the bike, about 50 feet from impact.

The Sigma revealed I was traveling at 61 mph, which means I had about a half a second to do something. However, there was nothing to be done. I knew I was going to strike the deer, and even the deer looked like she knew she was about to die. As my brain realized that an accident was imminent, the classic perception of "time slowing down" kicked in, allowing all the following to happen prior to impact:

The first thing I did was silently scream at the deer, "Now, just where in the FUCK did you come from?!" This was just too unbelievable.... it's not like this deer emerged from a forest, and it's not like it had any place to hide!! [Note: surveying the crash scene afterward, I saw a somewhat more sizeable sage brush that the doe was (obviously) sleeping/hiding behind; it was about 24" high, immediately next to the point of impact]

I began an attempt to swerve behind the doe, started to push the right grip downward when (again, given that perception of "slow time") I realized it wasn't going to do any good, and I had better not be leaning when we struck, so I stood the bike up so I would have a "clean" impact. By now I was about 10 feet from the doe, and looked right into her eyes. Two thoughts flashed "Man, is my bride ever going to be pissed at me if I die like this...." and a second thought: "well, it's lookin' like there will be one less rider at MASS GOLD...".

I tore into her body at 61 mph.

The doe had decided to take another step before I hit her, so the front wheel split her body roughly mid-section, such that the forward 2/3's of the deer fell along the left side of the bike, the rear 1/3 of the carcass went down the right side. It was like you could feel and hear the sounds of cartilage, bone and sinew being snapped and torn asunder. My right lower leg was smashed with the rear hindquarters of the severed doe.

But what got to me was the shit. Literally. Shit! Deer shit.... lot's and LOT'S of deer shit!

The ENTIRE RIGHT HALF of the forward fuselage area was no longer Honda red.... it was brown and green!!! DEER SHIT!!!! I could not believe my eyes! Not only was there a massive amount of deer shit on the road, but my bike front and right side were AWASH in deer shit!! How can a creature hold this much shit in their bodies AND STILL BE ALIVE?!!! What, do these deer have to "shit on demand" for a living, or something?! There was an UNBELIEVEABLE amount of intestinal matter in every single crevice of the bike. Lovely aroma......

Since I had begun a right swerve, I was pointing slightly right when we struck, and after severing the animal, the bike was now pointed to the far right, and into the ditch beyond. I stabbed both brakes and start leaving fresh Dunlop and Metzeler on the road. My speed starts to bleed off, but I see with crystal clarity that I am fast approaching the edge of the road..... and snow-melt sand is *inside* the edge of the white line! "Guess I'm done bleeding off speed", I think to myself. Just before I reach the sand, I release the brakes as I look at the Sigma. It says 53 mph as the ST1100 leaves the road, and flies airborne into the ditch.

As we leave the road, I get up on the footpegs and assume my best Jeremy McGrath riding stance. The front tire slams down into the ditch and the rear end bounces up to try to pop me off the bike, but I'm ready for it, and hang on somehow. I bounce and hop all over the ditch, which is roughly 7 feet wide and three feet deep. I keep looking for the drainage ditch that will end my off-road adventure (and probably my young life) in an instant, the very same way Jack Baird got his serious injuries. First order of business, however, is to avoid the telephone pole that is fast approaching on the left. I manage to sneak past the pole, even though it knocked off my left mirror housing (amazingly enough, the post-accident inspection revealed not a single mark on the mirror housing... go figure!)

By now I am down to 30 mph, and I'm beginning to believe I might live if no Jack Baird drainage-ditch surprises me. About that time, I realize, hey, I'd better do something about getting the bike out of the ditch while I am still moving, or I'll be in this ditch a long time.

So I gently apply a little countersteering, and amazingly, the ST "walks up" the side of the ditch, trading speed for elevation. I am almost to the top of the ditch, and am only going 5 mph!! I finally come out of the ditch, and roll onto the paved shoulder just as I came to a gentle stop!!!! I slowly put the kickstand down. I stepped off the bike and immediately ran around to looked at the front end damage.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The front fairings are all smashed. The fender is barely hanging on. The lower gray fairing has major holes torn all through it.... and there is a hoof in one of the holes!! The left middle fairing is cracked from top to bottom. The inner middle fair is..... gone!! COMPLETELY GONE!!! The right middle fairing is severely damaged with razor-sharp jagged edges that did most of the deer-slicing, along with the right tip-over guard. The force of the impact buckled and cracked the right (lockable) fairing pocket. Both side maintenance panels took impact damage. The right FIAMM electric clamshell horn is flattened and looks like a frisbee. The other FIAMM horn looks worse. The radiator has a sizeable dent in the right side, but appears intact. I expected to have radiator fluid everywhere, but the cooling system remained intact.

My Night Train was hit hard.... but still serviceable.

As I surveyed the damage, the adrenaline from the near-accident started to wear off, and was being replaced by a seething, raging anger. That fucking deer..... just LOOK at the mess it has made! Then, the final straw..... I discovered that the deer had cause me to lose the PIAA 910s! When I discovered this...... all my attention turn to the deer, still 250 feet back. Shaking with rage, I reached for the Browning, pulled back the slide, chambered a round, and started walking back to the carcass.

As I slowly walked back to the point of impact, I looked over to the left to see the deep, long furrow the ST1100 had made as it ran through the ditch and back up onto the highway. I walked past by the telephone pole that knocked off my mirror housing. As I approach the deer, I have to step around various organs and deer splatter to make my way around to the front 2/3 of the carcass. I lean over the head of the deer and look into her soft, brown eyes. I gently whisper "Fuck you", then empty the clip into her.

There's nothing like the sound of brass casings tingling on asphalt. Oh, yeah.

With the post-accident mental therapy complete, I reloaded the Browning and put it away. I walked back to the bike. Jesus, what a mess! I could not - could NOT - get rid of the stench of deer shit.... and no wonder, IT WAS EVERYWHERE!!! I dig into the Ventura bag for my Polaroid, and almost retch as I noticed that the entire right side of the bag is also encrusted with deer shit. I turned back and face the carcass, "HOW MUCH SHIT CAN YOU DEER *POSSIBLY* CARRY?!!!!!!! I was just stunned at the amount of deer feces distributed about the bike. When I get to the Polaroid, I see that it has no film. Damn, I REALLY wanted to get a few pictures of the carcass, but it was not to be.

I got back on the bike, and slowly made the 30-ish miles to Burns. It was completely un-nerving to look down through the opening of the triple-tree area (normally covered by the inner middle fairing) and see asphalt whirling by! And, DAMN, the smell emerging off the exhaust lines was INCREDIBLE!!! Upon reaching Burns, I rolled into a Texaco and dashed inside to buy one of those disposable cameras. I shot about a dozen pictures of the bike at various angles, then rolled over to the car wash area and borrowed their hose. I scrubbed and scrubbed for 45 minutes, and STILL couldn't get rid of the deer shit stench that came from the engine bay. I walked 200 feet away from the bike, and could STILL smell that deer shit! DAMN, that's some lingering aroma... or so I thought.

Later on that morning, I stopped in Lakeview, Oregon for some gas. Went to the restroom, and as I washed my hands, I took a brief look in the mirror. There, in my moustache, under the right nostril, was a nice dollop of green deer shit, all crusty and hard.

Fucking deer......

- Warchild '00 CBR1100XX '97 ST1100

Friday, October 14, 2005

Practical Shop Chemistry Essentials


I think I'll keep Bill around.....

WaterBoy - "What's an 'acetylene tank'?" (being a smartass.)

Gregg - "It's some kinda red round looking thing." (Also, being a smartass. Surprise!)

Ha! That's pretty funny Gregg! (as an aside for those of you that don't know tank color codes, red means something is not flammable, such as carbon dioxide. Acetylene tanks are yellow and about as flammable as it gets)

Waterboy,
Methane and acetylene are very different things.

Acetylene is a man-made gas used in welding (oxy-acetylene welding or "gas" welding) or metal cutting. Acetylene is produced either by combining methane with oxygen, or (99% of the time these days) it's produced by mixing calcium carbide with water. In addition to being used for welding acetylene is also used for hardening steel and for various kinds of chemical synthesis (for some reason acetylene is a particularly reactive hydrocarbon). Acetylene's chemical composition is two carbon atoms and two hydrogen atoms - C2H2.

Methane is a naturally occurring gas, which can also be made by heating sodium acetate with sodium hydroxide or by the reaction of aluminum carbide with water. Methane is usually used as a heating fuel and is not nearly as reactive as acetylene. Methane's chemical composition is one carbon atom and four hydrogen atoms - CH4
Bill | Email | Homepage | 10.14.05 - 5:12 pm


"reaction of aluminum carbide with water"
Remember those "headlamps" the coal miners used to use? They used calcium carbide under the same principal.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Why I Love Big Red

Notice the balled up rubber at the edge of the tread. This is due to cornering forces and thrust against pavement combining to such a degree that Big Red is actually 'sliding' past the apex of a corner under heavy application of throttle. What fun!


Monday, October 10, 2005

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Did Y'all hear about this?

The AP and UPI reported that the French government announced that it had raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are, "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Beware Synthetic Oil !

After hearing wives tales from old codgers about this for years, I have found the final, definitive word.


The Dangers of Synthetic Motor oil

Beware of synthetic oil! It can do terrible things to you and your beloved GPz1100. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part of your bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to retract automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But that's not all... Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in the apex of a turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats your sight window with a whitish pro-mulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly corrosive.

Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and die. Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain during rallies and on weekends. It will lubricate your timing chain causing it to jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens valves and causes the clearances to change every six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots night before you walk across your new carpeting.
While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of your handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen with the bridge of your nose.

It also causes your swing arm to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it voids your warranty by changing your odometer reading to 66,666. It also dries out your wet clutch and wets your dry clutch. It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for good measure. Synthetic oil hides your 12mm socket and puts superglue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your face shield and make your gloves shrink two sizes night before track day. Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for $1.25. Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail. Synthetic oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet friends and then sign your name at the bottom! It will also cause you to post long and stupid oil threads to the GPz List!

God loves the GPz1100 e-mail list as he has populated it with some of the most entertaining characters in motorcycledom and sometimes they are too good to not share. The about was sent out by a fella named Art L. and is one of the crazy coots who ride a bike that'll hit 60mph in 2.8 seconds.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Birthday Boy

Well,
Little Brother is 32 years old. Dr. Who got him a remote controlled model airplane.

When I talked to him yesterday he was playin' with his new R/C airplane. I don't know how he could be any geekier.

What's next? Orthodontic headgear? An acne relapse? Parachute pants? Leg warmers? Moon Boots? A "Perm"?

Help me out here.....

Friday, September 30, 2005

Now, That's What I'm Talkin' About !

Farmer Tom is serious about his tractors and, no doubt, knowledgable. I knew these things, but what I didn't know was how well he could write. Of course, it helps to write of something you are passionate about.....

JACIII, I understand that it is your birthday and that you are now among the aged. This probably explains your inability to comprehend the fact the red tractors are for limp ----, spineless, commie, pinko, sons of perdition, who think that it's a crime to hunt and eat red meat. They suck off of the government tit so they can buy their underpowered, overweight, butt ugly, outdated, inefficent, smoke belching, gear grinding pieces of crap that the company tries to pass off as tractors.

People who drive red tractors require Viagria to get anything done.

Since I believe in absolute truth, I believe the Bible is God's written word to mankind, and it contains absolute truth, I give as my authoritative source, the very Word of God. And I quote, "TRACTORS ARE GREEN"
I Hesitations 40:20
farmer Tom | 09.30.05 - 2:12 pm


SB - "Hesitations 40:20" is a reference to JD's most popular model and its crappy, jerky hydaulics. At one time EVERYBODY had a 4020. That is, everbody who wasn't smart enough to have purchased an International 20 years before. '
Cause they were still using them!


I will be printing this out to show around to the fellas I know who are tractor afficianados. I'm not even gonna mention Ford/NewHolland. oops!

Post Bad Things About Nate Here:

Nate, Welldigger, and I grew up around men who show their affection and respect for one another through artful, thoughtful, expressions of disdain. It's a subtle way of saying, "You're a sorry pillow bitin' brain-damaged pole smoker.", but I love ya' anyway.


And just to get things started:

Nate used to have red hair. Yep. Carrot top. I came to my attention years ago that some women don't like the looks of redheaded men and make no bones about it. Nothing about a carrot top guy can ameliorate their disdain, despite all women's claims about how personality, sense of humour, etc are the most important things. One lady, Jodi, really dislikes 'em and I use this on Little Bro' all the time.

"Red on the head like a dick on a dog."

One of my favorites, by the way.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

BrainBox or What's the Matter With Your Grey Matter

From Nate's Peep Paradise:

Of course the reason they are talking about it so much is the same reason they talk openly about all of the planned (and some carried out) ways to remove your rights. The more the masses hear about it and how good it is the more complacent they are. After all, they're only doing it so they can help us right? It's a good thing and you are a very bad man for thinking they might possibly abuse all this power we've given them.
Spacebunny | 09.26.05 - 2:52 pm

And I agree with you SB, nothing like continually hearing something night after night on the news to get it drilled into people's heads that it is for their own good.
MR | 09.27.05 - 3:37 am



Whew! I was beginning to think I was the only one thinking the 'nightly news' and the daily paper were counterproductive to personal liberty and security. That damn box will phuck up anybodies though processes given enough time. Folks doin' a lot of time in front of one have a seriously pessimistic outlook toward their futures and see government as the only bulwark between them an literal starvation. They'll argue about it with you. Try 'em!
Next time you run across a fella discussing what happened on an episode of "x" sitcom like it was reality and 'news' or something involving friends/acquaintances find an occassion to bring up something like Katrina, oil prices, imports, free enterprise, hell, go for the ring! "Global Warming"! See what they have to say. You'll find yourself wanting to duct-tape a tinfoil hat to 'em.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Can City Folk EVER be Prepared?

No.

And Houston proves it. They had two days to evacuate, five north bound lanes, and for the most part personal transportation. Phucked is what these people were. I submit they were as prepared and organized as any metropolis can be and didn't stand a chance of dealing with a pending natural disaster.

Take the current scenario, unplug the hurricane and plug in a slowly spreading biological attack with no warning. There would be as many casualties from the panic as from the attack.

Look at your nearest city or, God forbid, your city; what method of egress would you use? Is it the same one everyone would use? I'm thinkin' private aircaft of some sort would be one's only sure hope. Maybe an two-seat ultralight in the garage?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Where it's happenin'

So you wanna live in a big city, eh?! I see five lanes of northbound traffic at a standstill running? from a Cat4 hurricane. Unimpressive.
You live in a city, you give up a lot of freedom just from being there and you are forced to rely on politicians to organise services and in emergencies.

No thanks.

Update:*****
Skinner, accompanied by her 6-year-old grandson, Dageneral Bellard, would settle for a bus.
"They got them for the outlying areas, for the Gulf and Galveston, but they ain't made no preparations for us in the city, for the poor people here. There ain't no (evacuation) buses here. I got nowhere to go."


What you are seeing in and around Houston and formerly in New Orleans are lessons that intelligent people learn. Those that don't, well, I guess there may be something to natural selection after all.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

From Dog Turds to Pissing on Electric Fences in Five Comments or Less

Bill gets down to brass tacks; exactly how hard will a predator rated electric fence shock you if you piss on it?


How do they measure fences? Volts, amps, joules? What sort of typical voltages do they run? It felt like anywhere from about 100 VAC for the garden variety fences up to maybe 150-200 VAC for the really hot fences. But if you're talking a 2" spark, that's gotta be up in the kilo-volt range, so I guess the current is in the micro-amps.
Bill | Email | Homepage | 09.20.05 - 8:59 am | #


They are capacitor discharge about once per second. They go 'thunk' every time the fence is charged in a short pulse.
The output is measured in joules.
JACIII | Email | Homepage | 09.20.05 - 5:56 pm | #

9000 volts at 1.4 joules, Bill.
JACIII | Email | Homepage | 09.20.05 - 6:33 pm | #

1.4 joules is 1.4 watt-seconds, or enough energy to lift an apple about 4 feet. But since at 9Kv it's easily enough to overcome your bodies resistance, it's gonna feel like it could lift YOU up about four feet. Fortunately, the amperage is almost too small to measure, so it's not gonna kill you unless you happen to have a heart attack from the jolt.

9000 volts, that WILL get your attention!
Bill | Email | Homepage | 09.20.05 - 7:52 pm | #

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Of Beer and Dog Turds

From Vox's:
I like some dark and amber beers, but not in the yard, and not when the juice from the dog turd I'm picking up resembles the beer.
-Bane


This got me to thinkin'; some folks do actually go around picking up dog turds. Really. No shit! That's a singularly disturbing concept. Some humans, top of the food chain, serve as poopy police for canines.

Pretty silly when you look at it objectively. The entire world functions to provide food for the beasts and plants that are on it and reuse the wastes they produce to nourish those things which, again, provide food. And here some folks are runnin' around poop in hand interruptin' this cycle of life we all depend upon. Cityfolk.

Fer cryin' out loud....

Friday, September 16, 2005

I Want One!

It's Big! It's Bad! It's The King, Baby!


Kawasaki ZX14R : 200HP and 200MPH. It comes in red, of course.






Nate wants one optioned out in black, and it's Baa-aa-aahd!
MS Paint photo props to Utah Jeff (The Utard) from the GPz list







Note to riders of slower bikes; if you happen to catch someone on a faster bike than you napping the best thing to do is roar past him and then get off the throttle immediately so when/if he roars by it'll take some of the fun out of it for him. The above advice does not apply to Hardley riders, instead you should pull over immediately after passing and pretend to work on something, or actually work on something as necessary. If you see the ZX14R in your mirrors just get off the road or prepare to feel the Thump!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

What did y'all do with Spacebunny?`

Anybody seen hide or 'hare' of her lately?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

World's Best Baked Potato

I was smokin' a shoulder roast today and got to thinkin' a fella could throw a few bakin' potatos in there, too. I'm happy to report it works like a charm!!

* 8 baking potatoes (Yukon gold's are good for this)
* 1 cup bacon grease, softened, not melted
* HERB MIX:
* 2 tablespoons ground sage
* 2 tablespoons granulated garlic
* 2 tablespoons dried parsley
* 2 tablespoons salt
* 2 tablespoons coarsely ground black pepper
* 2 tablespoons sugar
* 2 tablespoons paprika

PREPARATION:
Wash and dry potatoes. Rub warm, soft bacon grease into the skin of each potato, covering completely. Mix the herbs together; roll each potato in herb mixture, making sure to cover completely. Puncture each potato several times. Place on hot grill in a smoker, and smoke for 1 hour at 250 deg, turning once. Remove potato and wrap each in double layer of heavy duty aluminum foil. Seal the foil and place back in smoker for another 1 to 1 1/2 hours or until soft when poked.


Now, I didn't do all that. I took seven medium sized 'taters, washed and dried, rubbed 'em with vegetable oil, and rolled 'em in some off-the-shelf bar-b-que spice I had layin' around, then followed the smokin' directions. That part about wrappin' 'em in foil is real important. The first hour gets the smoke flavor in, and the rest cooks the tater. I was surprised the whole thing tasted smoky into the center. And talk about tender - melts in your mouth.